got back with the ex, having issues..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
got back with the ex, having issues..
4
Wed, 07-20-2005 - 2:14am

I will try and make this short since its such a long story..

Me and my ex broke up for 6-7 months and just recently started dating again..3 weeks almost..but i dont know if we got back together for the right reasons.

We went out about 3 weeks ago with some friends and we slept together, i had a few drinks but still yes i did know what i was doing and when i woke up in the morning i definetly realized what i did..now the problem is that i think i pressured him into a relationship because of what happened.
I also feel like he just missed the sex..we started saying i love you right away and even though it feels right and i love hearing it and saying it again, i dont get the same feeling as i once did. i dont really feel a whole lot when he says it, like i feel he says it because he thinks he has too..or because he knows i want to hear it? i just dont feel there is much feeling behind it. i love him, i fell inlove with him the first time i looked at him again. we went out for 10 months, on and off since for 4 years and apart of me tells me to end this and that we are so over and just dragging it on but yet i still feel that i should wait it out and i should be more patient.
I have talked to him about this and all he says is "i love you and want to be with you and i dont feel the need to have this conversation" and for whatever reason i dont believe him, i want to but i dont. am i expecting too much too soon from us starting over again?

What should i do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2005
Wed, 07-20-2005 - 11:45am
Hi, I'm not sure if I'm the one to be giving advice since my situation sucks as well, but my thought is that you are probably in love with what you had and don't want to be alone. You probably know it needs to be ended, but you've been together for so long, its hard to be alone again. I had all the same feelings with my b.f and so I told him to take his space, it still hurt, but only a few days later I really feel better. Maybe you should look at what you love about the current relationship and what you don't. That might help you clear your head. I think everyone has all the answers they're looking for, it's just accepting them that we can't bring ourselves to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Wed, 07-20-2005 - 3:31pm
My boyfriend and i got back together after being apart for almost a year. He met another girl and even moved in with her but he said that he was always thinking of me. He moved out from her in June and he was telling me that he loved me and wanted to be together but after I went away at the end of june and came back July 2nd he said that the time alone had made him think and he decided that he wanted to be alone for awhile. Yes, I still love him but i can't be with someone who does not want to be with me. He says that he wants to be alone but i think that he just can't bring himself to love me like he used to. He needs to be on his own...he is divorced and has always been with someone but has not been single in the last 5 years.....He needs to grow up and decide what he wants because for a while there there were three of us in the relationship- me , him and her.... I can't go through that again..... I still think about him daily but i think i think more about the past and not about what kind of future i would have being in love with someone who is not in love with me... I know it takes time and NC but i need to move on or at least to let go
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 07-20-2005 - 4:03pm

Hi,

Exactly the same thing happened to me... we were on a break and then when we came back, his words just didn't sound right. I have to give him credit - he tried very hard to change things when we got back together, but it just didn't seem natural and little by little the same old problems (that reminded me why we took a break on the first place) aroused. Now, we just broke it off, 4 months later and he found someone new.

I would say - back it off a little bit, don't rush into things... don't see him very very often... take a fresh start and communicate better. Don't corner him by trying talking to him, don't accuse him. Just tell him how you feel and what do you think is needed to be done in order to have a succesful relationship. If he doesn't want to talk now, set up time with him to talk. It's very important you do, because otherwise - the same problems will arise.

Good luck!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Wed, 07-20-2005 - 4:14pm
I think that he is trying to get back the past and wants it to happen today... I understand especially from all the things that i have been through that it takes time ... I am not anywhere ready to find someone else because I still think of him often and i know that that would not be fair to someone else if i still have feelings for him.... I just don't know how long it will take