got burned. help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
got burned. help
2
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 7:08pm
Some of you may remember me, some of you may not. But I am going to make a long story as short as possible. For the past four and a half months, I have been "dating" this 23 year old male. He just got out of jail last year, is still on probation and is a felon. While we were "dating" he use to ask for money and I would give it to him (b/c I was stupid). He would always promise me things (false promises) if I would give him the money. It was a lot of money. He would con and manipulate me into giving him money.....actually brainwashing me. When I would tell him I wasn't giving him money he would threaten to leave me and would say he would never speak to me again. But ignorant me ran back to him and gave him money because I didn't want him to leave me. He was also verbally abusive and had other girls on the side (he denied it though).

Last Thursday he wanted money but I decided to put my foot down and not give him any money. He threw a fit!!! He cursed me out and called me every name in the book (he had the nerve to call my phone and apologize and say I love you but then the next day he did it again). He called me a liar (which he had lied to me the entire 4 1/2 months, I didn't lie to him). He even wished death on me by sending me e-mails saying he hopes I die in a car accident so he can "watch it on the news and laugh." He even said he wants to get with my cousin. He admitted to me that he used me for my money and his little girlfriend knew about him getting money from me (he told me I was the only girl he was seeing). He said his friends laughed at me and he said "I would just look at your face and laugh when you would give me money." He said I was paying him for sex.

Anyway, I am extremely angry and hurt. I am such a sweet girl and I gave him money because I thought I was helping him out and because I cared about him. Oh yeah, he said "do you want the money back that you gave to me....sorry, too late, it's all gone. Ha ha ha." He said that I may be book smart but I am not street samrt. I want to seek revenge because I was so kind to him and now look. I feel like he is getting away with this. Imagine someone telling you "I used you, ha ha ha." It kills you! It is eating me up, it really is. He said "that's why I am going to play football over seas and you're still going to be here in the U.S. broke." I have been told not to pay attention to anything he has said to me and he will get his.

I can't stop thinking about it. I don't have a broken heart....I have a used hurt heart. In 3 weeks I leave to go back to school to attend Virginia Tech (if you don't know, I am 20). He is probably going back to community college, if that. He doesn't even have a good job. He works at Pizza Hut delivering pizzas and his mom pays his phone bills and his fines (whereas I am an independent woman, who has 2 jobs and pay my own bills and have to pay for college myself).

I don't know what to do to make the hurt go away or to forget the fact that I got used. I admit, I was ignorant and naive for constantly running back to him. He blocked my e-mail address and said he would never call me again because I will not give him any money and I'm a "liar." I mean, what did I do to deserve this? I don't even like men anymore. He even changed his number so that I will never call him again.

I want to seek revenge but I have been told to just let it go because it won't make me feel any better and that it will only make me worst. Help me please

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 8:50pm
Baby,

What a horrible, horrible, horrible (forgive the redundancy) person he is. I cannot believe you were with him for 4+ months. What is this money thing?? Why would you be giving him money to begin with? You know, nevermind. I did some things when I was in love...

I have a little advice. 1) Get through the next 3 weeks. Go away to V-Tech and forget about the loser. He is a L-O-S-E-R. Loser.

Those things he said? UNFORGIVABLE. No apology should ever be able to wipe the slate clean. Ever. Most things are forgivable. But the laughing thing? NEVER. That is soooo awful I am almost crying with hurt for you.

2) Get a therapist. Your self-esteem isn't doing you justice. You may need some help getting through this time getting over him. A good counselor can help, a little or a lot.

3) Keep posting! We're always here for you. You have done a great, great thing for yourself getting out of an abusive relationship with a complete and total freeloader. Stay empowered. Stay strong. We can help.

Your hurt is being felt by all of us. That is why we're here. The hurt takes a long time to go away. But, Baby, in your situation, I PROMISE, there are plenty of men out there that will, and want, to treat you better than that bonehead you're finished with. There are many, many wonderful men out there. I can vouch for that.

Here for you always.

Monty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 10:27am
That guy is not even worth any of your energy at all. I think you should take him to small claims court. That way you could get your money back, and he HAS to pay you, court ordered. Plus you could get some justice for all of the months he cheated on you and wasted your hard earned money.

Good luck!