Got my stuff back-Really Over? (LONG)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Got my stuff back-Really Over? (LONG)
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:31am

Well, it's done. He cancelled his friend request to me on MySpace. When I saw that, I sent him a txt asking if he was still dropping my stuff off and he responded right away that he was. It sent me into a tailspin. I wanted to go to his place and beg him to change his mind, how sad is that? I really wanted (want) to fight for what we had.. I didn't do anything rash though, didn't show up at his place or anything. I did go to my friends' yesterday to be there when he dropped off my stuff. He didn't know I was going to be there.

I saw "him" yesterday when dropped my w/d off at my friends' house. It was SOOO weird to see him. He had NOTHING to say, which of course was hurtful. He wouldn't even look at me at first but then stopped to look at me for a split second and it was as though he was looking at a stranger but I could tell when he looked at me that he felt bad. My friend made the comment that the impression she got from him was that he was completely detached from the world and all of this has very little to do with me. He forgot my keys and said he'd bring them right back over. I called him after he left and told him I would just meet him b/c it was silly for him to drive back across town. I wasn't asking any questions and he just offered that he just needs to regroup and get past his test coming up in February. He talked about how confident he was that he passed it, and that he can't do ANYTHING else until he gets that test out of the way....We had been texting back and forth this week and yesterday (b4 he brought my stuff over), I asked him if we could talk yesterday. He reminded me that I told his mom I would give him his space. The thing that makes me the most nauseous is he isn't saying leave me alone, I don't ever want to see you again, etc. His reasons are all valid-needs space, wants to focus on his business, etc. THOSE reasons make it harder than an outright I don't want you anymore. you know?

SIGH I hope this is the hardest thing I ever go through b/c it's almost more than I can bear, honestly. I don't get hysterical when I think about him being with someone else, but I don't like the thought of it either.

Yesterday after he gave me my keys, I tried to put some closure to all of this and told him I would miss him very much and he said I'll miss you too, but we don't know what might end up happening. It's like he won't say goodbye to me, won't officially let me go :( Last thing he said was I'll talk to you later. I am obviously not going to contact him.

This just hurts so much folks. Don't mean to sound like a pity partier, but last night when I fell asleep I just felt so completely ALONE.

I still can't believe this has happened. I don't feel like doing anything and I have SO much to do with work, etc. It also doesn't help that one of my territories for work is in the area where he lives and my boss has me running around down there more frequently lately than not. How ironic and painful :(

What's strange is when I saw him yesterday, it was like I was looking at a TOTAL stranger. Presently, he is not the man I fell in love with at all and it is the weirdest thing I think I've ever experienced.

Someone please help me figure out how to put one foot in front of the other :( I don't feel as bad as I did when this all 1st happened 2 wks ago, but it still hurts.

I feel like I blew a lot of this out of proportion, but I insisted on exchanging belongings so that if this was really over, then I could start the work to get over him sooner vs. later.

:( :(