Grrr...Now what?
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| Thu, 06-22-2006 - 9:37pm |
I posted a few days back saying i may have an opportunity to go to my ex to collect my personal belongings and things (4 year relationship been broken up 4 months, i live 16 hours drive away)as it was a step i think i needed to do in the healing process for myself as it feels unresolved in the sense i didn't tell him a final goodbye. As i told my counsellor today i cannot quite justify why i feel this step is important to me but i've come to realise i did all i could have done to deal with the situation but somehow this last encounter is like the final chapter to this journey for myself (i cannot quite explain it as i said).
Anyways i've become mentally pysched that okay i can do this in a dignified manner holding myself together in his presence and that it was more than likely going to happen. Went thru different scernarios and maybe how to handle things, was feeling good about the impending self-challange (for lack of better word) and now i spoke to my friend n it seems like he doesn't need to head down that way again. Part of me is frustrated and pissed at my friend coz he was like i really got to go down that way n i took some careful time n deliberation b4 i told him okay i'll drive n u can pay half the gas money (and we would ahve taken turns driving so to reduce the cost of spending the night at a hotel) now due to other some other things he says more than likely not!
So what do i do. I was looking forward to a break a chance to just get this over with so i can move on and afterwards i was going to drive to the states to spend some time with family (i'm in canada). So since i'm somewhat pysched about grabbing hold of my life for me do i say screw it and do the drive there alone without any support (no friends or family in the area he is at) or do i just wait for another opportunity? I just felt like this was the moment...now do i reckon that everything happens for a reason n this wasn't meant to be?

Hello,
I think you are strong enough to go it alone. After all, he has YOUR stuff and you should get it back. It would irk me if my ex had my stuff, valuable or not. Maybe this guy can meet you half way? I definately think it will help with closure and you will be able to move on.
In my opinion, I say go get your stuff.
Good Luck!
Do you have that much stuff to pick up that you have to drive instead of fly? Or is this a cost-saving option? Personally, the 16 hour drive might be a good time to mentally prepare yourself for the meeting so going it alone might not be a bad idea. Having a friend come along may also be good but that friend had better be prepared to deal with the emotional mess you MIGHT be after the meeting. Plus, what is the friend going to do while you and and your ex "talk?" Personally, the only person I'd ask to do something like that for me is my sister.
If this stuff was important, you probably would've asked him to send it already. So I'm thinking you're making the drive so you can have a sense of closure. If that's the case, then waiting a little longer won't hurt.
Hi Mich,
I agree that the 16-hour drive might be cathartic. It may be good especially if you can afford it. Why not! It will be lonely but also empowering. I don't think you should put off taking your stuff back be it by picking up the stuff personally or meeting him half-way or paying him to ship it. You do seem strong enough to handle the trip and the confrontation (even though it will still be hard). I don't know. It would be cool if your friend changes his mind, but if he doesn't don't let him hold you back. You're ready to move on! Don't let it drag out.
I'm not sure why you don't want to let your ex know you're going to show up. Are you afraid of him getting violent? If so, yes, please take a friend if possible--or arrange to meet him at his place but ask the police to come (claim that you need your things out of your boyfriend's house but you're afraid he might get violent). If you just want to surprise him, I'm not sure it's worth it (unless you don't trust him).
Maybe you just don't want to get in touch with him, but really, it would be a courtesy to let him know you're swinging by (whether or not he deserves it). If he is cool, you can let him know you'll be cool--and quick. Tell him you need to do this for closure (or whatever reason you're doing it for). If he's mature, he should understand and be supportive.
Any other way--train maybe?
I really do wish you the best.