Guilty and/or Nervous Feelings
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| Sat, 05-26-2007 - 9:19am |
I've decided I'm going to break up with my boyfriend of 8 months. I need some advice on how to do this. I've broken up with him in the past, obviously getting back together with him and I think that is due to guilty feelings. I'm also nervous about how I'm going to handle being away from him, knowing we both love eachother.
In past break-ups he would tell me that he doesnt want to be alone, he wont be alone, and if he was he'd be "six feet under". He goes off about how no one wants anything to do with him, not even his kids or his mother. He says things like " I have a feeling you WANT this to work. That you DO want to be with me." This really confuses me because in a sense, it is true. But I know this relationship won't work for many reasons. He isn't the guy I am looking for anymore. Plus, his kids are starting trouble with me and I'm not willing to deal with that. I should have thought about this from the start and walked away before I was too involved. Now I'm living with him, most of my stuff is at his house, and I don't know how to say goodbye.
I want to be civil about it and do it in person, but like I said I've broken up with him before and he makes it so difficult. He never wants to let me go. Although I know this relationship won't work, I love him, so it makes it even harder for me when he says things like "I love you and would do anything for you" or "Why are you doing this to me again?"
I just want this to be over and done with for good. Every time I break up with him I find myself running back. I don't want to have to face him again and do this to him again. I've already tried 3 times! I'm thinking about writing a letter and moving back into my house. Or maybe telling him that I'm moving back home and breaking up with him (in a letter) after I do so. Sorry if that sounds heartless but I only want to make this breakup easier, and I don't want to find myself back in the relationship again. Yet I dont want to hurt him, or atleast I want this to hurt as little as possible.
Any suggestions?
Sarah
Edited 5/26/2007 1:25 pm ET by sarahb_81

sarahb_81...
PG's 2 questions:
"How many times have you broken up already?" "How serious are you going to be about the break-up this time?"
If I was in your b/f's position and I'd seen this sort of behavior from you frequently, my first reaction would be: "SARAH IS GOING THROUGH ANOTHER ONE OF HER MOOD SWINGS & SHE'LL END UP COMING BACK!"
You might want to put your thoughts down on paper...and pick out an I'M SORRY or a "this is all for the best" snail mail friendship card. WRITE EVERY HONEST FEELING THAT YOU HAVE DOWN AND MAIL THE LETTER & CARD!
After that...no more communicating...no matter how badly you might want to?
After having said all this...do you HONESTLY feel you can walk away from him this time AND MEAN IT?
Pianoguy
I know that its what I have to do and what I will end up doing eventually. But as to when I should do it, I'm uncertain. I just don't think it's fair to him to keep it on the hush that I'm going to be ending things as soon as I'm ready. I do think I may need some counseling first so I can be sure of and remain firm in my decision.
Thank you for the card idea...I think I might use it!
Sarah
I just broke up with my bf 2 nights ago. This is the 2nd time we have broken up and we have talked about it quite a bit over the last few weeks. He didn't want it but I felt we were going nowhere, so why continue. We're only keeping each other from finding someone else. I decided last week that it really needed to end but like you, could not figure out how or when to do it. I had thought about this weekend and that it should be in person. But Friday night he called to see what we were doing this weekend. It was too late that night (it wouldn't have been if I'd really wanted to be with him), I had plans with a friend Sat night and I gave him a maybe for Sunday. He asked if I was trying to create space and I said we probably needed some space. He didn't understand why and I brought up some of the things we have been talking about recently (how we are too different and could probably never make it for the long haul). He seemed accepting of my decision though he didn't like it and didn't understand why I couldn't consider all the good things we have had in our relationship and overlook the things that bothered me. He wants to continue to be friends and I said I wanted that too. I too feel nervous and guilty, like you, because I know he is hurting and it's my fault. Part of me wants to try to make him feel better about himself but I know that is not my job now and I don't want him to think I want to reconcile. I know he will eventually be ok, but I regret that all this had to happen. I'm sad for the loss, too.
I guess my point in this is that I could not fake my feelings waiting for the right time to come. Fortunately he picked up on this and asked me about it. I couldn't lie, so the breakup came sort of naturally.