Guy spending all day with ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Guy spending all day with ex
5
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 1:35am
Can I just get an opinion from you guys? What would you think if you were seeing a guy for 3 months and his ex wanted to spend the whole day with him for his birthday- to which he agreed? You tell him how much this hurts you and disrespects your budding relationship. Is this overreacting? I mean, who spends a whole day with their ex when they are in a new relationship? This isn't normal, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 5:16pm
First of all "NO IT'S NOT NORMAL". When you first started seeing him, did you know that he and his ex were still close? Did they really break-up? who broke up with whom? If she broke up with him, that means he never got over her. This is your first B-day together it should be special. You still in the first stage in your relationship it could go either way. You need to know if he's going to spend all special occasions with this woman. It's not too late for you to let him go. Thank goodness you don't have a lot of time invested. If you stay, ask yourself how many more times you're going to spend on pins and needles wondering what he is doing with his ex. My opinion: Move on!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:38pm
Right? That is what I thought. The thing that infuriates me is that HE made it out to seem like I was the one at wrong! I was "overreacting" and was only thinking of myself, that I was getting in the way of preserving his friendship with his ex. They were together for 4 years and were still living together when we met. She's moved out, but they apparently still keep in touch and all. They still share the mortgage of the house that he is still living in.
I broke up with him this past weekend. I just wanted to see what you guys thought about this situation, that I wasn't "overreacting." Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:54pm
You guys are in the honeymoon stage - she should be the last person he is spending time with. Take it from me - I was ready to drop plans with a new guy I was dating to spend time with my ex and that was b/c I was still hung up on the ex. Be careful!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 10:22pm

i had a boyfriend do the same exact thing. but it was a member of her family getting married and he made a promise to go to this wedding, and we had been dating for several months at that point. Needless to say, I was sorta upset when he left, but he called all the time and constantly was in touch with me. He broke up with her, but there was (and STILL) is lots of drama too, and it got so bad that she ended up staying nearby him one summer, and insisted that he and i take a break, etc....

but all in all we ended up breaking up a few months later, and to my mistake i kept in contact with him via phone, dinner, hanging out, etc. and he was still in contat with this ex as well. it drove me crazy and still does.

my advice, if a guy is still somewhat hung up on his ex, just be his friend for now...he isnt ready yet...and you shouldnt feel wrong about being uncomfortable about his friendship with his ex.

dont ever let a guy make you feel guilty for not accepting a relationship with an ex. if he truely cared about you, he would listen and tak your feelings into account. dont be like me and let him walk over you and hang out and keep in contact with his ex for fear that you would be the bad guy and have him leave you....

all the best to you!

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:35am

Yeah, it does sound a little weird. I would guess that at the three-month mark your relationship should really be heating up and he should be looking forward to spending his birthday with you. I remember being really annoyed that my now ex was taking his ex to a concert after we had been together for about 4 months. I thought he should be taking me, and he just didn't get it ... He spent a lot of time with her, but it didn't really bother me after I met her cause I really liked her. It didn't hurt that she got a new boyfriend that she was crazy about either.

But back to your situation: if he really cares about you I think he should be sensitive to your feelings. If he's not, then you really want to question if this is a relationship that should continue.