HARD day - Help!!
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HARD day - Help!!
| Thu, 04-13-2006 - 4:10pm |
Hi all, Having a very hard time of it lately. We will have been broken up 1-1/2 months (together three years/he ended it saying I was not a priority in his life) this Saturday. He sent a “How are you doing/my life is great/I miss you” e-mail on Monday that seems to have really set me back. I read on one post today that communicating gives you hope – and I think that is true. I am sure he meant exactly what he wrote and nothing more, and I am trying not to read anything into it or assume that he is going to show up on my doorstep, but I am SO hoping for that, which is terrible. I just felt SUCH a connection with him – I still LOVE him – I am trying to stay focused on what wasn’t right about the relationship but I want it back so badly today. When I decided to respond to the e-mail I kept it short and it felt like a cold response to me – but I wanted to tell him that I missed him too – and to respond in the way I would have as his g-friend, but I didn’t. I don’t know. So down today and wondering when this will all end. I cannot imagine being friends with him – I can only imagine BEING with him. How do you spend three years with someone and go to zero overnight…? I am so depressed and confused. I really just wanted to vent. I KNOW that you get over things with time, but it just doesn’t feel like it is going to happen. I almost called him last night but called my brother instead - just not feeling very strong.... :(

I'm sorry for the pain and other emotions you're feeling...it's normal for this stage, but it is SO hard, I know! And I know you just can't imagine how you'll ever feel normal again...but you will, eventually. I know I couldn't imagine being friends with my last LTR ex (we were together 4 years and it took me 3 to get over him, partially because I didn't enforce no contact), but here we are, nearly 9 years after we broke up...and we have been friends for a while now.
And yes, contact is just going to keep you stuck or even set you back. If you haven't already, let him know that you only want to hear from him if he is 100% committed to working things out with you, otherwise ask him to please respect your request for no contact. And since he seems to not be doing so, use technology to help you...block him from emailing you, etc.
Sheri
Hey Clavenden,
I’m so sorry. I’m sure this is so tough for you!! I know that it seems like such a drastic move to block him, but he has ignored your requests to maintain NC twice now and his attempts have really seemed to hurt you and set you back. Perhaps even more bothersome than the fact that he contacted you despite your requests, was the content of his correspondence. First he basically tells you how great his life is without you in it, and then he contacts you again to bring up a trip you were supposed to go on together. Ouch! Obviously, on some level he wanted to illicit a reaction from you, and I applaud you for not giving it to him. I’m sure that it made him uncomfortable to know that you were serious about NC and that you did not want him in your life just as a friend. Unless he wants to get back together though (which he has not expressed), then he’s being pretty selfish. I’m not even implying that he’s purposefully being a jerk, but the bottom line is that he seems to be putting his needs and comfort over yours right now.
There’s no way around it. This time in the breakup SUCKS, but you are doing such a great job. You may not be feeling strong, but your actions show otherwise.