hard to let go
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| Tue, 03-18-2008 - 8:25pm |
I guess this is more to vent then anything else but here it goes...
I broke up with my bf of a year and a half last week, or should I say he broke up with me. its so hard and let me tell u why. things were great between us! I knew something was on his mind but I figured it was the stress of him trying to get his green card at work, his poor health(he had an ongoing cough that wouldn't go away) and he missed his family from Pakistan so the best thing I could do was support him. I mean he would be quiet and think a lot but would was always there for me physically and mentally. let me also say I am an American and not a Muslim like him, but I always thought its the person not the religion and background that counts. however he does not see it the same way. last weekend we had a great time together and everything was fine. then Tuesday night he tells me he has decided to give into his parents and marry a nice Pakistani girl so we have to break up!!!! this is a horrible feeling to be rejected and thrown aside so he can find a wife. I know we are never getting back together and im trying to accept it. but im having a hard time letting go and i cant stop thinking about him...I never realized how much I integrated my life around him.
I guess im in shock...we never talked about marriage and I wasn't "expecting" it...but neither did I think we didn't have a future or would break up so he can go run off and get married to someone else. we were even making plans for the summer last weekend! I feel like I was his dirty little secret. its for the best, I know this, but im having a hard time going from having a loving bf(and he was, he treated me like a princess) to being without him.
I feel betrayed...

Welcome to the board vacutie82,
Sorry you are going through this.
I know how you feel with the culture thing. my ex was romanian and had always told me he didn't like romanian girls and wanted an american so he was with me. we had a great relationship in the beginning but as i continued to get more comfortable with him he seemed to be growing more distant, i felt like i couldn't be myself or he wouldn't like me. Anyways, he was a really good boyfriend, sometimes but i was always afraid that the romanian thing was going to get in the way. his parents didn't want him dating anyone, especially an american, and wanted him to marry a romanian girl one day. so i did my best to trust that he wouldn't leave me and would not ever feel like he needed someone from his culture. well, after a year and half he broke up with me telling me our personalities didn't match, i got worried too much, i would get upset too easily, etc.
and then.... no more than a month later he is dating a romanian girl and seems happier than ever. he told me when we broke up that it had nothing to do with his parents or anything, but i don't know now. i know his parents weren't happy about him dating this new girl, but i think thats mostly because of his age, but he will probably continue to be with her until they are ok with him settling down with someone.
its hard for us girls who have to deal with the cultural differences, even if we don't care. the thing is, they've been raised to believe they should be with someone like them and even though they at one time loved us, when we start to change and they see how we really are they probably start getting these thoughts of how much easier it would be to date someone that they know their family would be happier with in the longrun.
i know it hurts, i was completely in love with my ex whether he was romanian or not but the thing is, he didn't love me enough to stick it out with me. you're just going to have to force yourself to feel that it may be for the best. imagine if you had married him and had to deal with the resentment from his family the rest of your life. it would have been a hard road to tread, whether you were happy with him or not. it would've made things harder for the relationship and perhaps you would have stopped loving him because of all the problems his family would cause and you would start feeling like he didn't love you enough. i don't know dear, but all i can say is i know how you feel. my bf wasn't from pakistan but he wasn't from america either. it made our relationship very hard for me so at least i don't have to deal with it anymore.
hugs! and goodluck!