A Hard Situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
A Hard Situation
1
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 1:25am
Okay... this message is going to be a little long. Me and this one guy dated for like 2 and a half years and about 4 times we would break up and less than 7 days later we would be back together. Well the next to last time we broke up i had a sex with a mutual friend b/c i had heard that he had sex with someone else (which he did). We talked and he told me about him having sex with someone else but i just couldn't bring myself to tell him that i had done something like that. We got back together and it was a little hard b/c i worked with the guy that i had sex with. Well he eventually found out the truth, he was hurt, we broke up and he slapped me (it wasn't the first time). It wasn't long after when me and the other guy started a relationship. My problem? It has been 9 months since me and my ex broke up and for the past 3 months we have been talking on the phone and seeing each other secretly. Im not really sure how i feel about the other guy except that he is the sweetest and best guy i have ever been with. He would seriously do anything for me but i just can't bring myself to care about him as much as he does me. I still have very strong feelings for my ex and i know that my ex still cares about me too. He tells me he loves me every night, calls me everyday and wants to see me whenever possible. But me and him can't be together because he says that he can't trust me(understandable) and we are trying to work on it. But as much as i love him im not sure that i want to go back to all the heartache that we put each other through. And i don't want to hurt this other guy, we have been friends for like 6 years. My ex isn't dating anyone else because he said that he wants to be single since he can't have me. I just need some input on this whole situation. Thanks!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 11:12am

I can see how being right in the thick of it with feelings involved can make this seem like a hard situation. But feelings are not facts, as they are subject to change. So lets leave feelings out of this and examine the facts.

Your XBF
* is physically ABUSIVE. He hits you. This alone should be enough to make the decision easy, but since apparently your self worth doesn't dictate as much, he,
* is dishonorable, disrespectful, selfish, untrustworthy, and I'd bet money he's controling.
* has a double standard. He can have random sex while single, but you can't.
* only really shows a desire and effort for you when you are technically unavailable.
* seems motivated by his bruised ego, you've moved on with someone else this time, instead of coming back to him again like all the other times. Which is why he wants to be with you enough to be taking you from this new BF you're cheating on with him, but he doesn't want to be with you for real.

Hmmm. Doesn't seem like that hard of a situation to me. But, then again, my feelings aren't involved for consideration. But, then again, feelings aren't fact and can be changed, and shouldn't be involved for consideration here.