has enough time passed?
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| Tue, 11-30-2004 - 7:29pm |
So some of you may have read my posts here in the past. I dated this guy for about 2 months but he decided to go back to his ex-fiance. I didn't really see that coming because he seemed to give every indication that he was over her. Oh well, I'm over that part. It's always difficult to compete with history. Unfortunately, I really liked this guy and while I couldn't tell at that point that he was "THE ONE", he was definitely "THE ONE WITH POTENTIAL".
I'm no longer angry with him and I am not bitter about how things turned out. The only thing I have to deal with is that he left so suddenly that I had all these feelings for him that I've had to somehow get rid of/deal with or whatever it is we're supposed to do with them.
I've made alot of progress in the last 2 months. It was really tough at first but I'm sleeping and eating regularly again, I'm going out with friends, keeping active and busy etc. I do still experience those moments when my heart just aches, but I've learned to handle it. I haven't called him but we've emailed a couple of times because we agreed to keep in touch and he's respected my decision not to see him face to face. Unfortunately we work in the same building so we've had our fair share of bumping intos. But I've learnt to handle that alot better too and surprisingly it doesn't hurt as much as it did intially. In fact there are times when I say hi and I feel alright. But of course there are times when the rise in me comes alot later in the day.
The question I have is this: I'm feeling stronger now than I did a month ago but I'm not entirely over him even though I've learnt to "manage" my emotions, if that makes sense. I'm leaving town for about a month over the X'Mas break and I thought it might be nice to just have lunch in the cafetaria where we work (to keep the situation as innocuous as possible) to catch up and talk about neutral things like how our research/work is going etc. I feel the need to do this because (alright this might sound stupid) I'll be traveling alot in that month away and if my plane were to go down, I really don't want to leave with the regret that I didn't get to just say hi/bye to him one last time. Should I do this? There is nothing bad between us at all. I bear no anger or bitterness towards him. It's just how the situation turned out and I only remember the good times because, unfortunately, there are only those to remember .. except for the end. And because I don't bear any anger towards him, sometimes I feel like I should just "suck it up" and learn to manage my "more than friendly" feelings towards him so that we can proceed towards friendship and not be hung up on the past. Does this make sense?
Any advice would help! Thanks to all of you who respond!

If you feel the need to do it, then do it...but just recognize and accept that doing so IS going to set you back. It is...there's no getting around that. But if you are willing to accept that, and recognize that this will mean it will be LONGER until you're over him and ready to be friends, then have lunch and get it out of your system.
Good luck, and I hope you'll only have a slight setback as a result.
Sheri
Thanks for your response. I do indeed know the consequences. As it is, I don't trust how I feel. I feel fine, but you know that when you think it's okay to take that step, something happens and you take several steps backwards.
I think it just sucks to have feelings for someone who never really did anything "bad" (relatively speaking) to you. At the end of the day I think we'd be great friends if not for how I feel which is why I sometimes think I should just "suck it up".
We'll see ... I'll see how I feel in a week and then decide if I want to take that step.
Thanks again!