Has this ever happened 2 u before?
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| Tue, 10-31-2006 - 12:20pm |
Hi, I'm a newbie!
I just broke up with my boyfriend of a little more than a year a week ago. I've done a good job of maintaining NC (even though he called me and asked me if I wanted a gift I had given him back (?))
But I've seen a lot of you all talk about what a jerk your ex was during the breakup. But for me, it was different. I basically "put up" with subpar behavior from this man during the whole time we were together. I was the best girlfriend I could be. I cooked for him, helped him through some of his tough times and included him in my life happily. But it was a little different for him. He went out to clubs and outings with friends every weekend and never invited me, (a lot of the time this included strip clubs) he never really included me in his life and he was very distrusting of me even though I never cheated on him. I basically stayed home and waited on him to spend time with me the whole relationship. I was always a low priority on his list, especially during the weekends. What's worst, I had some evidence to believe he cheated on me.
Well, despite all of this, he decided to break up with ME. By this time, I was pulling away and the feeling was mutual.
But I must admit, all HELL came out of me when he tried to turn the situation on me and act like it was my fault that the relationship was ending, and he said he couldn't trust ME? Excuse me?
I was a total and complete jerkette to him. He ended it over the phone, and we did NOT end on good terms. It just amazes me that all the while he as a jerk, and then all of a sudden he wants to end it "civilly."
Did this happen to any of you? And why do I feel guilty about yelling, crying and being insulting during the breakup? I don't want to have to break NC to apologize to this man, but I'm sure he'll never speak to me again anyway. (sigh)

I'm sorry you are going through this.
I would guess, and only you really know, that you feel guilty about your behavior during your breakup conversation because you still care about his feelings, and you want to be remembered that way. This is a good thing about you. You are caring and see the good in people, even when they have treated you very badly.
I'll bet that he knows you well enough to know that you were acting out of hurt and resentment.
All of this said, you may in the future want to examine why you feel you owe him anything, since he clearly treated you badly. In the meantime, hang in there. I hope you feel better soon.
--recreatingmyself
Wow! Thank you! That was the best response anybody has EVER given me regarding this situation.
I really need to think about why I still want to know that he's OK, and that he's not hurt by me. Almost like he still has power over me.
He didn't treat me well during our relationship, and technically, I don't owe him anything. It's just that feeling, almost like an obligation like I'm STILL in a relationship with him or I'm STILL responsible for making him feel better.
This is something I will definitely explore, and sit with myself until I feel better. No one should have that power over a person, especially when they've emotionally abused and neglected you.