Have you ever broke up with...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Have you ever broke up with...
19
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 11:04am

Have you ever broke up with someone you were madly in love with?


I'm starting to feel like my BF just cant give me what I need. On the outside he is everything I could ever want in a man. I love him, his personality, (his looks ;-), etc.


I just think that he may have too much baggage. I have repeatedly tried to make our lines of communication more open...to no avail. He's not as affectionate as I need and stone walls me anytime I want to talk about something that I consider important. He will literally stare at the TV and ignore me no matter what I say. I just don't think he loves me like I love him.


On the other hand we are buds. We have so much fun together and really enjoy being with each other. I just think his baggage (from a previous marriage) really puts a damper on all the things which I consider the glue that will make or break "forever".


We have been together nearly 3 yrs and after the lastest incident, I am feeling ready to throw my hands in the air and give up. I have tried to make him happy, I just dont think he can ever open up like I need him to.


Have any of you been through something similar? Its tough because I know that if we could get past this hurdle, we could have an amazing life together...but I can't do it on my own.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 12:20pm

I have been through something similar. It was only a year or so that we were together, but I got the same feeling that while he liked the idea of "us" he didn't seem that interested in getting to know me as a person. As time wore on I felt more and more lonely and depressed in the relationship, even though I still loved him. Finally I felt the need to choose between him and my self-respect.


It's been hard since the breakup because now I have to face the issues that made being with him so devastating to me: low self esteem and no clear idea what I want out of life. While I was obsessed with prolonging the relationship and getting him to be who I wanted him to be, I didn't have to deal with that, but now I do, and sometimes it's no fun at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 1:31pm

Welcome to the board silver546,


Would he consider going to counseling with you? Is it an option?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 2:44pm

Would he consider going to counseling with you?


I don't know if he would. I would do it but he went to counseling with his XW...and you see how that turned out...but she and I are black and white and their problems were nothing like ours. I guess just bringing the subject up would be hard seeing as he won't talk to me.


Does he know that you are ready to end it because of this?


I've made the implications...we live together though, so its not like i can just end it tomorrow, so I think he thinks I'm bluffing. I am dreading going home tonight and playing "silent treatement" with him. I don't think he believes me...but I am starting to get very resentful towards him and I am beginning to believe I am wasting my time...why would someone treat you like that? Certainly not because they love you. I kind of feel like the writing is on the wall...maybe its time I start reading it.


Thanks for the reading material...I could really use it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 3:54pm

OOOOOOOHHHHH do i know what you are saying...we could've been sooooo good together, but he wasn't ready and no matter what i did to assure him that i would ALWAYS be there and HAVE HIS BACK ALWAYS, it wasn't what he needed from me.

Hugs,

 

Dbest

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 3:58pm

Im tired (after almost 2 years of begging, pleading, being TOO passive and understanding) to have to put up with this!


You do know how I feel, thanks for posting...that statement spoke volumes to me. What did you do? Did you split up? Are you still with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 5:31pm

We were supposed to meet 10/20 for a nice day out and he called and then his phone "mysteriously couldn't receive a signal" and he NEVER called back.

Hugs,

 

Dbest

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 6:46pm

I know he loves me but because of my passive ways he doesn't respect me or this relationship


Yep. I feel you. I let him walk all over me and have it his way for too long. My mistake, but its time I change it now. Either he will see things from my POV...or not. I won't stand for this...why would I want to spend my life with someone who doesn't care about our relationship anyway?


When did I become such a stupid girl?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 7:51pm
Its only fair...we deserver better and we give them our best and they take it for granted.

Hugs,

 

Dbest

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 9:10pm

I'm not sure I would go into counseling with the idea that it will fix everything. It may, it may not.

In your position (or maybe from my position), I'd look at this relationship and think, if he never changes, could I deal with this for the next 40, 50 years? And if you can't, well, either see what counseling does or vamoose.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 10:02pm

Yep, been there... my ex and I were deeply in love, and really liked each other - on the outside, everything was perfect.

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