Have you ever dated a sociopath????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
Have you ever dated a sociopath????????
4
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 7:23am

I dumped my boyfriend, right before Christmas, because of his latest endeavor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 1:34pm

Welcome to the board puzzledagain,


You are NOT LESS THAN because of his action, behavior, decisions, choices or anything else.


I just feel so bad..... why is a drug addict stripper better than me?


No, she's not better than you. She may be easier to manipulate, sway and use for his own purposes only.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 5:45pm

Though i wasn't with my ex for as long as you were with yours and no kid was involved i can still relate to you a little bit. i do think my ex was a narcissist, he was never physically abusive but he had his ways of putting me down. he was very manipulative and always made situations work for him and i was the one who was always at fault. it ended up being a very hard relationship for me at the end but i still wouldn't leave. i'm glad that you left him though, it shows how strong you are.


if you do more research on narcissism you will probably be amazed at how your exes traits are so parallel to what they say. it amazed me for sure. From what i've read there are many degrees of narcissism. some of them get physical (like yours), some can be very nice when they want to be, some have no empathy (mine faked empathy at the beginning of the relationship), and will never admit they are wrong. They are tricksters and can read people very well, at least mine did. he definently got the better of me.


i think you know that a stripper/drug addict is not better than you. his mind is so warped that he may feel that someone like that is better, but

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 10:00pm

Dear puzzledagain,

I am now going thru a similar situation. Though we thankfully have not had any children yet, we have been together for about 5 years. I was so surprised when I saw the title of your post because he sounds so similar to my ex-boyfriend! I actually found out that what was once called a "sociopath" is actually a personality disorder called antisocial personality disorder (I have a background in psychology and social work). Knowledge is power...Check out signs/ symptoms here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder

My boyfriend was abusive to me emotionally mostly (physically for a short time only, thank goodness) but also financially. He was so charming that he would con other people and had me believing that he really loved me and would take care of me in return when I needed it. Now that I have helped him on his feet and am finishing school and have no money left, I need his help, he has decided to break up with me, and wants to remain friends and keep our living arrangement exactly the same except "without having to answer to me."

My boyfriend seemed to have no real emotions, but rather mimicked how he should act. He feels entitled to everything and things he is amazing and everyone should do for him. I found out he was cheating on me with a girl who, ironically, was obsessed with him- called and texted 50 times a day (but he broke up with me because he wanted more space and freedom and not to answer to anyone LOL) and bought him gifts after having just met her. When I found out, he said it was a one time mistake but I found out it continued. He put me thru hell up and down, back and forth for the last month until I finally put down MY needs in writing. I then wanted him to give up talking to her and spend time with me, help with the chores, pay the bills more, etc. He said he would try more and we went out together, did laundry, went out to eat, rented a movie, etc. During the date he said he loved me, talked about our children we'd have, and cuddled me. As the movie credits rolled, he jumped up and went outside "to think" ( call her) and came back 20 minutes later and said he did not love me.

People like this can NOT love anyone. They are not able. I know it is hard and I have to take my own advice on this (and I am in the field and didn't even see it!) but it is not our fault. Be proud that you were the one that ended it. Find strength in the step you took to protect yourself and your daughter. Even with help, these issues seldom decline or can take years to resolve. We do not need to continue to cook, clean, work, pay bills, etc. for people that abuse and don't appreciate us.

I am about to get my masters, I was the best girlfriend ever to him, and could not have tried any harder to help him and make the relationship work. You have done the same. A drug addict stripper is NOT better than you, but for him- she is. Because, she is on that same, immoral, going nowhere- level as he is.

I don't know what else to say here. I just wanted to let you know I can relate and if you want to talk more or compare notes more, message back.

Good luck.
Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 8:27am

Thanks for everyones thoughts.