Have you ever dated someone with bipolar
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Have you ever dated someone with bipolar
| Tue, 04-24-2007 - 11:00pm |
The longer I am broken up- the better I get and also the clearer things become to me. I think back on the three great months of my "perfect relationship" and now I see some things I didn't before. One- he jumped in with both feet and I was sort of leary at first- but it got the best of me, all the calls, the attention, we got along so great...Two- while we were together - of course we talked about about our past, ourselves, etc. It came out that at 35 he had never had any long term relationships. Of course I thought nothing of it even though my girlfriend said " big red flag". (Hey- I just thought he hadn't met the right one.) Three- after we were dating for about two months, he started saying "I'm out of control" I would be like- what are you talking about? -and he would say- "I need to start working out more, I'm not getting enough sleep- and so on. Four- He all of the sudden wasn't happy with anything in his life. His car, his job, the fact that he never finished college, his income, his body. Needless to say shortly after all this started to happen- even though we were still getting along fine- he ended it. His excuse was "he just can't get close to anyone and he doesn't know what he wants in any part of his life". He was back to running hard, working out hard- I heard that right after we broke up he went out and bought a brand new Mustang. (and he was extremely tight with his money) Anyways- my whole point of this message is to ask- Is there something wrong with him? I looked up bipolar on the web and read a few things and wondered if this could be his problem. Does anyone out there have bipolar or has anyone dated someone who has? Mabe this could help me understand the abrupt end to my fairytale romance.

Well, the thing is though, does it really matter if he's bipolar or whatever? Will that suddenly make you feel better about the breakup? I'm thinking not.
I did this when I first broke up, I looked at all kinds of possibilities and reasons why he was the way he was, tried to make my ego feel better by trying to find a "reason" that made it seem like, "oh, well, he couldn't help it." I can tell you from experience, you're going to spin your wheels and it's a big time-waster, time you could be spending being good to yourself.
What's important to note, irregardless of whether he's bipolar or just irresponsible or immature in his relationships, is to look at why *you* went along for the ride he took you on. It's a bitter pill to swallow, I know because I've swallowed it. My ex came on fast and strong and then pulled away and then it fell apart, and I let it all happen. The lessons here for you are to always look at exactly what's going on in your relationships, to take a look at the big picture of it, to see if the pace is a healthy one or one that's spiraling out of control, to see if you're just going along for the ride and succumbing to the warm fuzzy feelings or are you pacing yourself, delaying gratification in favor of a healthy progression.
Focus on *your* behavior in the relationship, in the good and bad parts of you and what you brought/bring to the table, and really, don't worry about what he did or did not do. It's hard at first, but once you feel how amazingly freeing it is to do that, you'll wonder why you ever wasted your time on his issues. Believe that.
Best,
I was involved with a bipoloar man for 4 years (who also has major commitment issues), and yes, it sounds like your ex could be. But I'm with Sandra on this one--does it really matter exactly what caused him to come on so strong and then pull away? I don't think so--better to learn from the experience so that next time you'll pay attention to the red flags (and coming on strong is definitely one of them) rather than sweeping them under the rug.
You might try reading "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter which talks about how people with commitment issues tend to do the come on strong thing and how best to react to it so that you don't get taken along for the ride and then hurt. It will also help you understand how your own commitment issues might make you more susceptible to getting involved with someone like him.
Sheri