Having difficulty with this...
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Having difficulty with this...
| Sun, 07-08-2007 - 11:37am |
Hi everyone...I've kind of reached the "calm" stage where I know things are really not going to be the way I had hoped, and I am seeing more and more that it's probably for the best. I haven't spoken to my ex in almost 2 weeks. Here is what I am grappling with...I really thought I would have heard from him and he would have explained/apologized for his strange/hurtful behavior. Or he would have at least been in touch, acting like nothing happened, just to make contact with me. I can't let go that he should be held accountable; it's like he got off easy. I never confronted him, never called him on anything he said or did, basically never gave him one iota of crap for what he put me through. I feel like he's thinking, "Whew, dodged that one, thank God. Moving on..." How can anyone be so cruel and heartless? I know it shouldn't matter but the truth is, plain and simple, to me it DOES. And, I'm sorry, no matter how much I try to build myself up about how great I am, his actions (or lack of rather) really, really hurt. I just can't get past these feelings of being used and discarded in the worst possible way.

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Our situations are so similar it's not even funny. Since the break up I have spent so much time thinking back to everything and throughout the relationship I spent so much time waiting. I waited for him to call or return my call, waited to see if we had plans or not cause i never knew how tired he would be when he got back from work... can't even tell you how many times I heard the "i feel asleep" excuse. I was upset and depressed while with him cause I felt this was not the ideal relationship I should be in and it took a big toll on me - i lost 10 lbs since I started going out with him and now my mom and friends say I look anorexic. I'm really wondering now if it was another girl or maybe he got back with his ex - I accused him of it over the phone while breaking up and he swore no but I don't buy it. But like you said, sometimes, actually pretty much every time we were together, he was so sweet and loving etc so I put everything else aside and focused on that and on how he kept reassuring me our relationship was fine and he just needed me to be a little "patient" with him. All I know is he turned stone cold on me over night and I don't know why or how he could just end it like this -- the best part is he knows my whole family and is (or rather was) cool with my brother -- it's like you will see them, if not me and of course they know what you did.
I too wrote a letter, I started it the day after we broke up and kept editing it for over a week. I almost sent mine though and most of my girlfriends encouraged me to. But then I got some advice from a guy and he strongly urged me not to send it. He explained how different the male and female minds are. He started reading the letter and translating what I wrote into manglish (lol). He said this would give him and his friends a good laugh and NEVER put anything in writing, he also said why would you send this and let him know he got to you? The best thing to do is NOTHING, just stand still and let things be. He obviously does not want to see or talk to me so why should I let him get the best of me (as much as I really want to see and talk to him i need to keep repeating this). I need to be angry at him for this and that's hard for me ... I can't muster up the anger. I have been going through stages, sad, hurt, a little angry, a little psycho (thought about waiting outside of his house and getting my closure, thank goodness I did not). It's tough, it really is and it's not fare.
I wanted to recommend two book to you that have a lot of insightful information and really make sense ... they helped me a little.
- It's Called a Breakup Cause it's Broken: by Greg B (the author of He's just not that into you)
- Zen and the Art of Falling in Love: by Brenda Shoshanna (excellent!)
Keep on smiling =)
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