having a horrible day
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| Tue, 12-20-2005 - 3:17pm |
i feel so depressed today and i feel like im going crazy.
not only do i have to deal with the stress of the holidays, i have been NC for 3 1/2 wks now and i feel horrible. i started to feel better but as soon as one aspect of my life crumbles everything tumbles down. my friend just got into a bad accident at a bonfire and got 2nd and 3rd degree burns all over his body..he's still in ICU, and im really scared for him.i went to the dentist today and found out i had tons of cavities and i have to get my wisdom teeth removed...but i dont know when im going to do this because i have to go back to work soon right after xmas...and work is in gainesville, 2 hours away from home, where all my friends are gonna be for new years. and its looking like i just might have to spend new years by myself- not like without a guy or something like that-like literally by myself. i dont know too many ppl up there for new years. and thats just depressing. i know that calling him wont make things stable, but man, it would feel so good to pretend for a few minutes that things were ok between us....i seriously feel so depressed right now and out of control. i AM going to see a therapist for the sadness and for a recent new stress...anxiety/panic attacks...that have just started recently this year. i feel like they are slowly consuming my life where i cant go a day without stressing about something. and it just seems from his messages to girls that he is getting a long just fine. and that hurts the most :( AND i got my final grades today and i didn't do so hot and i'm really upset about that...i was really looking forward to the new year and going out and staying occupied but now i have to worry about getting my cavities filled and surgery (which has to be done in tampa, which means i need to find a time where i can be fit into the doctors schedule, my work schedule, and my school schedule)and i have to meet with a therapist about my anxiety...and my friends just seem too wrapped up in their own lives to realize how sad i am even when i tell them. my 2 best friends are in relationships, i'm not speaking to another one of my close friends because we got in a fight, and now she is in ecuador over the holidays, and my other roomate is in europe.
and with all this stress looms the reminder that the one guy i've been in love with doesn't love me like i thought he did. i feel so rejected...

Ok, every time you feel like calling him, pick up a pen and paper and write him an UNSENT letter. DO NOT SEND it. Just write it. Write daily about how you feel.
Then make a list of things you like and start doing them.
For New Year's pamper yourself, make cookies, rent a good movie, take a bubble bath, write out your goals for 2006, start a jigsaw puzzle, go for a walk, take care of you.
It will all work out in the end.....you will make you schedule changes work. You can do it!!
Carrie
I'm so sorry ... I've not had the best day myself, so I can relate!
I will now give you advice that my mom always gives me- take one thing at a time ... remember to breathe! You're only person and you can only do so much.
I certainly hope that you can find some friends to spend New Year's Eve with ... whatever you do, try and maintain the no contact.
As the previous poster suggested, now is the time to pamper and take care of *yourself*!
Hang in there and let us know how you're doing, okay?
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"You get what you settle for"...
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"You get what you settle for"...
if you havent heard of the facebook its a student directory where people leave you messages on your profile page...and i saw a message on this girls page left by the ex's roomate about how he (the ex) had bad "macking skills" so that made me happy. haha.
i was seriously going nuts when i wrote my post. i felt very low and i really really hate those moments. i was staring at my phone forever, very very close to calling. but i went and worked out for an hour and felt a little better.
my mom suggested that i just quit my job...because i really only keep it for extra money (its at a restaurant) and it shouldnt be causing me extra stress. that would alleviate some stress off my shoulders right now, although i do like a lot of ppl that work there. so i'm not sure. i really don't want to have to be there (gville) alone on new years though. i do like to pamper myself, and i have been, but not on new years. i want to at least be with other humans, not my couch and the tv, ya know?
well...still feel a little down...but at least tmw is a new day...sigh
I am the last person to tell someone to cheer up but maybe this will help anyways. My work is also very stressful these days and although I am getting pissed at it, it does prevent me from sinking into a depression. It keeps me busy all day so that I am exhausted enough to fall asleep at night without "him" by my side. It is important for you to be with people on NYE, but it is not important that they be your friends really - just company will help. Try to get in contact with just one person you may know directly or indirectly in the town and see what they are up to. You may feel too prideful to ask to be invited - but do it anyways.
If nothing works, come online, I too may end up here venting my feelings of loneliness. We are here for you. If no one else is here, I think I may just try to sleep through it - go to bed at 10 and wake up the next day - skip midnight altogether.