Having a really hard time today
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Having a really hard time today
| Thu, 08-09-2007 - 11:34am |
I having a really hard time today! It's day 12 of our break. We went 7 days with NC and then he called b/c he missed me. But no effort has really been made since. I can't stand this anymore. I can't stand not knowing what he is doing or what he is thinking. I feel completely abandoned! The anxiety is killing me! Everything was perfect and then BOOM he freaks out! I just don't understand "space" and "breaks" I have tried to the last 12 days but I just don't. You either want to be with someone or you dont. I mean after 12 days you would think he would know what he wanted to do! I think this is horribly mean and I'm starting to hate him for it! Can someone talk me down from this????

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Hey Little One,
Once again, I feel your pain! I have those days too ... where it just drives me crazy to not know whats going on with us or not knowing what he's doing (and I'm ashamed to say this insanity has driven me to do some snoopying :( bad girl me). And I understand what you mean, how can they not know? How can something go from being so perfect to being so wrong?
And my mom will say "no it couldn't have been perfect then, something had to have been wrong and you didn't see it." No really, it was pretty much perfect. We got along great, we spent almost all of our time together and never argued and hardly disagreed. We had a great time together. And whats so confusing to me is he used to be the person who HATED when I'd be away ... even for a day for work. It made him sad and he'd barely want to talk. And now he needs space? UM HELLO?!?! I don't understand!!!
So I understand your frustration ... and I understand counting down the days. I started NC and after day 2 I thought I was going to go nuts. Partially because even as early as 2 weeks ago he was planning for me to be around this week while he had his kids and guess what ... its almost Friday and I haven't been invited. Granted they aren't my kids, but I've spent enough time with them over the past year to love them and enjoy hanging out with them.
Hang in there girl, I'm trying to hang on too. Hard as it is, we have to do what you said and start rebuilding solo lives that we need for our selves... even if he does come crawling back.
Lisa
Hey Little One & Warrior -
I'm in the same boat too. Feel free to message me any time, either of you I know we always need people to talk to.
I agree Little One that writing helps. Even if you don't post here, try live journal. I know thats helped me to get all of the crazy thoughts and emotions from swirling in my head to being out of my head.
Reading has helped me too. I went through 3 books this weekend! I recommend "He's Just Not That Into You" And "Its called a breakup because its broken." I know I haven't taken the advice of those books as much as I could have, but it definitely helps you see that things are black and white and not gray.
Like when I asked my ex-bf what are we and he answered "i honestly don't know how to answer that." I thought oh he's still confused and trying to figure things out. After reading those books I know the answer to my question really is "nothing." If he can't say WE ARE something, then we are not.
It also has a good quote that might help you in these times and I've considered putting it on a sticky note on my phone "Put the phone down. He doesn't need to be reminded how great you are." LOL!!! So true because I'll want to call or text thinking, "he won't think I care if I don't call" BS! :)
Lisa
The unanswered questions start circling through my head and it brings on the panic attacks.
I read these boards everyday and I am waiting for my lightbulb moment when I can say, I dont care anymore.
I completely understand. I had one of those nights too a couple weeks after we broke up. Unfortunately we work together and were out of town for a meeting, staying in the same hotel (oh god can you see it coming) we went out for drinks then came back and drank in my hotel room which turned into a drunken confessional when he decided to head back to his room. And then drunken texts and calls after that. Huge mistake. And I've had other nights that were also very difficult. I understand.
But yeah we just gotta know that if he won't step up that we deserve someone who will... We deserve men who will act like men.
Lisa
I feel your pain. I am having a really bad day today too. It is Ex Bf Birthday and we had plans and now I am here doing laundry. Today is Day 7 with NC. I did mail him out a B day card early in the week.. Just a funny one that would have meant something to him. Just signed it Happy Birthday, My name. I also had a dream (my first in weeks) where we ended up hugging and crying. It felt so real.
Then I woke up. :-(
I think I posted my original story somewhere wrong as I was not myself when I first posted on this site. But in a nut shell, he did have some real stressors going on, I had realized he did need space but too late. Last Friday he said that he never intended to break up, just talk. (??????) Then he tells his friend that I am beautiul/hot/smart/most wonderful lady he has ever met BUT he "just can't handle it right now."
Todays angst includes wondering if he is thinking I will call today OR will he call me to thank me for the card? I guess I could have not sent it but I think I would still feel terrible today anyway.
I read He Is Not That Into You too...It is a very good book and the section on break ups altho not easy to read, is helpful. Bottom line is we are better off doing NOTHING. If he decides that he made a mistake there is nothing that will keep him from coming back to you. And it won't be right now because to Paraphrase: He looked at you lovely face and said I don't Want You. My Ex BF even says he still Loves me but the two just don't add up.
I just finished sobbing for an hour but I am determined to get though this day. My only encouragement is re-read Sandra's Post and believe it and act on some of that great advice. Maybe like me the most you can do today is cry..ok Cry then and just take care of yourself. You have worth and value and don't let another person's actions make you forget that.
Hi Norahj,
I'm so sorry you are going through this today! My boyfriend surfaced on day 7 only to dissapear back into his cave this week. I was out of town when he called and couldn't talk so we never really got to have a conversation. I'm doing very very well the the NC because I believe in it. This is the time when our strenght is truly tested. Special dates and hollidays are always so hard. My BF birthday in about 3 weeks and if we are not together (which it isn't looking good) I'm going to be sooooo sad. We also have tickets to a concert in September. That too is going to make me sad b/c it's one of our favorite bands. We will get through this! It just doen't feel like it right now. I'm so deeply in love with him! Just keep telling yourself "This too shall pass"
Write me anytime you need to vent! Try and have a good weekend.
I did and he didn't even have the respect and courtesy to call and say thank you. I also sent him a gift with the card. If you send the card, please don't expect anything back (even a thank you). I just don't want you to set yourself up for disappointment.
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