Having a rough day....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Having a rough day....
5
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 5:19pm

Ok, so I was having a pretty good day, until about 10 minutes ago, I don't know exactly what happened but I all of a sudden got really sad, and depressed about the whole thing.

I know I'm doing much better and I'm moving on.

I guess what maybe brought this on was the fact that I'm finally in the whole acceptance stage, but I'm so scared that I'll never see him again.

Honestly how can someone tell you they love you, break up with you, and then never want to see you again.

I guess that is my biggest fear, that he'll never want to see me again. I don't even know if I'm ready to see him yet, but I would like to see him one day.

I also know that if he does see me again, inevitably he'll want to be with me again. That's probably why a month ago he said he needed more time before he saw me.

I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking that he's just being nice when he calls me because he feels guilty.

I've already made the decision to not call him anymore, let him call me. Let him wonder, let him miss me, etc... It's been 2 weeks since we talked and that's not the problem, I'm fine with that. I just wish I knew if he was ever going to want to see me again.

Sorry about the whining, but I honestly feel like this is the only place I can go to. I'm sure all of my friends are tired of hearing about it.

I know listen to my philosophy: Hope for the best, expect the worst.

Thanks for listening.

~Amber~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 5:37pm
/hugs hugs hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 7:28pm

I sense that you're still struggling and that's okay. When I was dealing with a breakup one of the hardest things was not knowing what was going through his mind. Will he ever call? Did he take me for a ride? Does he feel bad? Etc....In the end, does it make any difference to know the answers? In my case, no--the outcome was the same, which was that the relationship was over. And I actually did resume communication with the guy post-break up and he came off as the good guy who never wanted to hurt me but had to get himself straightened out, blah blah blah. I realized that we were on totally separate journeys and I was much better off tending to my own needs than worrying about him and his journey of self-discovery.

I think the sooner you accept that this is all out of your hands, the better. It's a scary position to be in because we place so much certainty in our relationships when we fall in love. For me, accepting uncertainty brings me more peace than clinging to hopes that may never come to pass.

You're still in the healing process, so continue to mend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 10:05pm
Don't we all wish we could have an exact answer. Wouldn't you want more than just "friends" when you see him. And will he give that to you - if not, would you be hurt - I would. I agree with the other reply. No matter will you see him one day or not, it doesn't really matter. This is over. The relationship is over. Actually, don't you think it would hurt even more when you see him, and he's acting like he doesn't care?? It hurts that my ex doesn't call anymore. And I'm sure one day he'll be dating someone else. But that's beyond my control. The bottom line is that he is not good for me and he has hurt me deeply - and for that I can not forgive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2005
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:37am

Hey there Amber. I know just how you feel. Last Saturday the 8th, I was fine all day, and then in the evening, I just fell apart and started crying uncontrollably. It is ok to have those days.

I also know how you feel about the possibility of never seeing your guy again. That is the one thought that is driving me crazy too. My guy is all the way in Spain, so it is a really good possibility that I may never see him again. I don't know if I could handle seeing him again, but the thought of NEVER seeing him again terrifies me.

One day at a time girlie. It has been 5 weeks since my guy dumped me. I am doing ok, but the pain sure needs to go away faster! I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Shelly/20 for only 25 more minutes/TX

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:07am

Thanks for the reply. I honestly don't know what got into me yesterday. I was having a good day, getting ready for Friday and then the weekend, and all of a sudden, it just hit me. It was like a ton of bricks.

I'm scared of seeing him again because I know I want to be with him still, but I'm more scared of not ever seeing him again. But I honestly believe that if he still loves me, we will one day see each other again. He does still have some of my stuff, which I will need to get from him one of these days, but even then I may just tell him to send it to me.

Even after it's been almost 3 months since our breakup I love him now more than ever. I have been moving on with my life, but sometimes it hurts too much. The pain has gone away most of the time. I can go a whole day now with only thinking about twice, but still when the feelings come, they come.

I know that if he and I are supposed to be together we will be and the possibility is very much there for us to get back together, but sometimes I wonder if I would even be able to be in a relationship with him again, will I trust him enough to never hurt me again?

There's way too many questions to a breakup.

I also know that I will find someone, and I will be happy, whether or not that's my ex remains to be seen.

Thanks again for the reply.

~Amber~

P.S. Happy Birthday (according to your signature you turned 21 today). I'm also 21.