Having some setbacks
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| Mon, 01-08-2007 - 6:51am |
I'm not sure if it is the flu, the not having enough energy to leave my house let alone work out, or the fact that the shock is gone and all I am left with is overwhelming grief. I feel like I should be wearing a warning label.
"Warning: at anytime you may trigger a memory of an ex and said person will break out into tears."
It happens all the time. I'm just sitting with friends or family, I see something on tv, I hear something, and wham...it's like someone rubbing it in my face. He's gone. He's never coming back. He didn't think you were good enough. To make it worse he keeps appearing in my dreams. Today's was the hardest because we were very close to getting back together. I was in his arms and now I am reminded of how great it was there. How a month ago I thought our lives were headed in a much different direction and I was ignorantly happy.
Now I feel pathetic. All the time. If I can stay busy, it doesn't catch up with me. But the pain, the gut wrenching raw pain and betrayal is still there.
I'm trying to take this one day at a time. But it seems to be getting worse, not better. I just want to feel normal again. I want my heart to catch up with my head. I want to be free.
Mel.

You are "getting" free.
Susan
"Success is building a foundation wit
Mel we all know exactly how you feel b/c we've been there or are still there. ME, I'm still there. We're a fresh b/u and of course I keep hoping for him to come crawling back but I know he won't and that makes me more sad.
I've had some tear jerkers at work and I just try to hide it with my g/f but I know others see it and I feel ridiculous but they're all being real nice about it and not intruding but offering "condolences" per se. Friday I was great, not one tear!
Saturday, not so good. I was at the grocery store with my mom (I'm visiting her for the weekend) and I started thinking about things. How I always did the grocery shopping for US and now I'm not even planning meals anymore, I see couples shopping together or just driving in the car together and that makes me sad, I'm having dinner with my entire family and I think, hmmmm why can't I have these 3 cute little kids like my siter?. It's a never ending saga and I, like you, don't know if I'll ever get over it.
My ex hasn't even bothered to call me (which I guess is probably for the best even if I don't want it that way) but I'm dying over here and why doesn't he care?
We share an apt together (not sure for how long though) and normally I would have been home from my parents last night but decided to stay until Monday. He didn't even call to see if I was alright or if I got home okay. As far as he knows I'm lying on the side of the road and nope, not one call.
I'm not sure now to keep going and not think about it. SO I feel for you but everyone keeps telling me that we'll get over it and that we're strong. So, I'm going to work with that and believe them.
YOu keep your chin up and just vent here. We all love you !