having trouble with acceptance

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
having trouble with acceptance
2
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:33pm

It's been a little over three weeks since he broke up with me and I'm still having trouble accepting that it's really over.

Back story: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=20556.1

Seeing him at the wedding last weekend erased any progress I might've made up until then. It was so hard being there, with him there, knowing that that wouldn't be us someday. Up until the come-out-of-nowhere breakup, that was where we were heading. (And it was really hard seeing him looking so handsome in his dress blues, knowing I couldn't touch him or kiss him or more.)

I guess part of the reason it's so hard for me to accept is that I still don't understand it. When we were together, he didn't know in a week that I was who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, so now, how could he know in a week that I'm not. It's not as if we were having problems and I could see this coming. We were happy. How could he just wake up one day and think, "she's not the one for me," especially when the last time we were together was so great?

I keep trying to look back at the relationship and find bad things to focus on to make me angry and accept that we're not supposed to be together, but I can't find any. Sure there were little things about him that annoyed me, and I'm sure there were things about me that annoyed him, but those are personality quirks, not big relationship issues. I just miss him so much, as my boyfriend, of course, but also as my best friend. He was the one person I could tell anything to, the person I could truly be myself around, the person I felt safest with. And I know I was his.

I'm trying so hard to stop thinking about him, wishing for him to tell me he made a huge mistake, and that he misses me. But nothing I do to keep my mind away from him is working. I'm trying to keep preoccupied with other things, especially with the move I've got coming up this weekend, but he's never far from my thoughts. So far he hasn't given me any indication that he'll change his mind, so I know I have to accept it and start moving on, but I can't seem to do so....

Did it take you this long to accept the reality of the end of your relationship? What helped you move past denial and really start making progress of moving on with your life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:41pm

Every situation is different and it will take time for you to accept it. My break-up was three months ago, and I still haven't fully accepted it. I've been moving on with my life, but that little ray of hope is always there. I'm actually going to see him for the first time in about an hour and I'm scared to death. We'll see what happens, enough about me though.

Your break-up is still pretty fresh and it will take time for you to heal. But I promise you it will get better. Just take it day-by-day. You will have your days where nothing is bothering you and you'll feel great, but you'll also have your days where it feels like the world is against you and that you'll never love again.

Feel your pain. I tried so hard at first to just hold it back, and act like I was a strong independent person, but that just hurt me even more. Once I finally felt it, I was then able to move on.

Focus on yourself, spend time with family and friends, and you will get through this.

~Amber~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:22pm

Your break is still very new. My break up happened about a month ago and I still have trouble accepting it and will be like this for awhile. You and I are going to have up days and down days and that is just part of a break up. Please make this time for yourself, spend as much time with family and friends. He will still be in the back of your mind, but have your family and friends get you away for awhile even if it is just a little get away out of your normal routine. I found that just spending the night over one of my friends house did a world of good since it was out of my normal routine and I actually slept the whole night which I haven't been able to do since the break up.

Hang in there and vent as much as possible on these boards. I find it helps knowing that there are girls going through the same thing.