Having Trouble Letting Go
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| Mon, 09-20-2004 - 2:38pm |
I sent him a lot of emails on Monday, a bit less on Tuesday and so forth. They dwindled to none by the weekend. I did however text-message him like a crazy woman all week long. Whenever anything made me think of him I would text message him.
I figured there wasn't any harm in it. While I didn't exactly think it would bring him back to me, I hoped he would be reading my messages and that he might be persuaded to try again. I haven't heard from him at all. Not a peep. I will not call because I feel like I've reached out to him enough already.
One important detail to note is that I'm text messaging him from a phone he gave me. I returned the phone when we broke up, but I still have access to the Web site where I can text him. I sent him instructions to change the user ID and password to the phone should he want to, but he still hasn't. In a sense I figure if he didn't want to hear from me anymore that he would have taken care of that. After all, it takes less than five minutes. So I guess what I'm thinking is he still wants to hear from me, even though he isn't responding. (Does that sound crazy?)
I know I need to let go, that if he wants to try again he has to come back to me of his own volition. But is it ok to text him a few times a day? Especially since he still hasn't changed the password? What do you think?

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no its not ok -- hey I remember you from another board on ivillage from waaay back! I am sorry you
Until you completely cut off contact with him, you won't be able to move on. And maybe that's ok with you for now, so long as you recognize that your behavior is going to keep you stuck. When you're ready to start on a path that will allow you to move on, you'll cut off contact.
Sheri
I really wish you would reconsider sending him even one more message. He may not be bothered by the messages but that doesn't mean you should continue to write him. In fact, he may enjoy knowing that you are waiting for him. Let me tell you that my own brother broke it off with his girlfriend and she kept messaging him and everytime she did he would show it to his friends and gloat about how much she couldn't live without him... He got pats on the back by his friends...Brother or not, that was a jerky way to treat a woman. It's when you stop writing him altogether that will make him wonder what changed and maybe if only for curiosity he will contact you.... right now he doesn't need to, you are contacting him enough for the both of you. Please iamdelightful... reconsider. I wish you only the very best, honestly. Lucy
Okay, maybe he's not building a case against you as a stalker. But I've been in the position of sending periodic (maybe once a week, not 20 a day) messages off into a black hole of no response. My ex told me he got and read every one, he just got pissed off and knew it was driving me crazy that he didn't respond. At the very least, why give him the satisfaction of this power over you? You expressed your doubt and regret, and offered to go to therapy to try to work on your relationship. There's really nothing more to say. Let it sink in, let him decide. If I were him, I'd just be overwhelmed (and frankly a bit scared) by the excessive display. I'd think it had more to do with you and your neuroses than about him and your feelings for him. And, honestly, you broke up with him - one of the consequences is that you don't get to use him as a sounding board for your every idea, don't get to share every random thought you have (that's called intimacy, and you slammed the door on that when you broke up, you don't have a right to try to force intimacy on him now). Just give him time to process things. Find a friend to share your observations with.
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