Having trouble...please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Having trouble...please help
4
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 10:34pm
Why do I feel if a guy doesn't try to contact me (via phone, texting, email, whatever) that I am unworthy of being pursued? I know it's stupid, but it makes me feel like, wow, I'm not even worth chasing. In the situation I am in now, I would not have answered the phone, of course, but part of me was hoping he'd at least TRY. Why does this make me feel so sad, and how can I change it? And how do you make peace with wondering why he didn't call?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 4:50pm

Hy mysticgirl05,


Do you mean when you first meet someone or when you are in a relationship with them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 5:14pm

People do what they do because they want to do it and because they can do it. They can control their behavior. This guy doesn't call you because he doesn't want to. His standards in life say he can do that and not feel bad.

You're putting your self-worth in this guy's hands and that's letting others define who you are. I magine that you're a woman who thinks that she deserves love and respect. A woman who is intelligent and capable of behaving rationally. A woman who is capable of making desicions that are good for her well-being.

You're letting yourself be valued as zero by a man. You let this man define who you are and you let his behavior affect you and your thoughts about you. If he doesn't call you, then you feel bad and unworthy of anything good. You feel down in the dumps. If he calls you, and you don't answer, then you feel worthy of every thing and everybody. You feel valued and worth of pursuing.

Do you realize that you allow this to happen? He's not doing it to you. He does nothing, he doesn't call yet you feel bad. His behavior is affecting you and the way you behave. You feel depressed. Why would you want a man like this in your life? He only brings sadnness to it.

To feel better turn the table around and think that you deserve a man who respects you as a human being. This guy doesn't give you the time of day. You deserve good things coming your way and to feel happy. This man brings sadness and bitterness to you. Where are the calls and the dozen roses he's supposed to give you because he respects and cares about you? He's not worth a thought or anything else. He's the one lossing. He's missing out on a good woman. You won't allow him to rule your life by dictating how you feel about yourself. He can go to h*#l for all you care! He'll do the same to the next woman in line because his standards in life say he can do that.

Stressing and wondering why he didn't call will make you crazy. He holds that answer and he's not calling you to let you know why he didn't call. You better make peace with yourself and forget it. The more you wonder the more time you losse with this losser.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 6:17pm
I know how you feel. My break up is only three weeks old. Usually, when we break up he always calls and chases me. This time he hasn't and I'm like wow I'm so surprised he's not calling. The difference is I don't tie my self worth to his call. The truth of the matter is when guys call after they messed up or if the relationship is over, he's calling for selfish reasons. He'll try to make you a booty call, or just see if he can keep you hanging on longer although his intentions hasn't changed. You really are better off with him not calling (and so am I). Think of it this way, he thinks enough of you not to keep hurting you by keeping contact with you when he knows no good could come of it. Hope this helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 7:28pm
It does help, thank you : ) I know I have a lot of self-esteem issues. Maybe this is why this is happening, so I can get this worked out once and for all as best I can. The insight I gain from these boards is amazing. I hope one day soon I can be for someone what everyone here has been for me!