Having the Urge and Don't Want to Call!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Having the Urge and Don't Want to Call!!
6
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 8:54am

Hi everyone,

Well, today is day 7 of NC since the last time I screwed up and contacted my ex after 10 days of NC. Everything has been going fine, and today all of a sudden I woke up and for some reason have the urges to contact him stronger than usual. This is dangerous because i'm at work and have access to the computer all day and can't get up and be away from it because I have to be at my desk. I even had a dream about him last night. I dont remember it but I know he was in it. Then this morning I woke up with a headache (I had to go to work with this headache) and I feel worse. Tonight i'm supposed to go to my best friend's house for dinner (i've been going there a lot since all this has happened), but i'm just worried because I dont want to call/email him. I know it's not the right thing to do. I just need some support right now. Why is this so tough?? It feels like i'm just never going to get over this.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 10:51am

Hang in there...it always gets tougher before it gets easier, I've found. I think that's because the realization that it's really over takes some time to sink in.

What helps me is to make a commitment to someone (a friend, my counselor) that I won't contact my ex for X number of days (it might be a day, it might be a week, it all depends on how weak I'm feeling). Since keeping my word is important to me, this works for me. Then at the end of that time, I renew the commitment for another period of days.

It *will* get better, but you still have to get through this, one day at a time.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:08am
Sheri is right...You have to take it one day at a time with no contact. It's hard, believe me I know. But this is now about your own self respect. This is not about contacting him to see if you are going to get a different reaction. Think about it...Do you REALLY think if you contact him he's going to tell you something different than the last time you spoke? Do you REALLY think he's going to tell you he's changed his mind? If he "changed" his mind, he would contact YOU. Do you really want to hear it all from him AGAIN? I've read your posts, and in one of them you said you wish you had left with grace and dignity...That's what I mean when I say this is now about your self respect. That doesn't mean leaving with grace and dignity doesn't hurt, but do your hurting and mourning in the privacy of your own home, with your own friends and family and support group...don't put it all out there for him to see...you WILL regret it later when you are feeling better...and you WILL feel better, trust me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2005
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 3:08pm

I feel the same way but I didn't call it off he did... yes you miss him, you wonder what is he doing without you or who is he doing it with... but the time will heal you... try to keep positive, hang out with good friends/family, etc.. start a new project/hobby..
My breakup was a week before my birthday.. very hard then the week of my birthday he took me out to breakfast... ran game, we ended up >>> you know where and then nothing... the whole birthday thing was game to see if he could get me... well ITS A RAP... I asked him to come and get his things of course he hasn't and I don't communicate at all with him...
The breakup was enough but then to pull that sh... on my birthday that is just horrible..
BUT in the end I still have me.. and I deserve better he's the loser and I strongly believe in what comes around goes around... so I hurt yes but I love me more than him... and I will not be played again by him... Pray Pray and surround yourself with good... it will all come to pass... I know its hard...

Keep your head up...
Scar ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 2:27pm

Stay strong girl. Whew, it seems like we have been on the same wave length. I too have been having those urges. But Im resisting them at all costs. It would be the worst thing I could ever do. What has helped me was remembering all the horrible things he's done and said to me and that's woke me up to realizing NOT TO CALL HIM. Or if it may help, what Ive done in the past is just dial the number but not press the talk button on my phone and let out a few screams or something. I know it sounds silly but dialing the number, looking at it helped get it out of my system.

I havent called him and I dont intend to either. I dont know the particulars of your breakup but chances are if in your mind you know you shouldnt be calling then you shouldnt.

Hugs, stay strong you can do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 9:52pm
I know it's tough. What has helped me, whenever you feel that strong urge to pick up the phone and call him, or email him. Either write with pen and paper whatever it is that you want to say to him (even if it's just simply "hey, how are you? i miss you") and then 1. tear it up and throw it away, or 2. keep it somewhere safe for the time being (I suggest tearing it up, keeping it is temptation to send it to him...) or type out everything you want to say to him but then send it to 1. yourself, or 2. the close friend you've been going to a lot lately. I'm sure they'd understand. I have lots of emails in my saved folder that have the subject "email to George that I didn't send" Hope this helps!
Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2005
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 8:00am
hi..we all been there and this is a great site where everyone of us going thru or went thru the same situation and here for supports....i am just recently have my NC since tuesday..yes i have moments to call him but guess what ??nothing we say will make any different coz the damaged is done.i did left him a message on tuesday saying i may be his secret special friend but i dont live a secret life and LIES!!!!He may be a great guy to all these women who still claimed they love him but to me .he is just a TOXIC ugly person..i hope i dont have to run into him in the future if i do..he will just be a passerby i face every day going to and coming home from work.hang in there!!