He asked me to have exe sex... UGH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
He asked me to have exe sex... UGH!
3
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 5:38pm
So I am trying to work on a friendship with my exe. I have been UP and DOWN about it since he and I broke up. I thought I was ready and I still believe I am, but today he asked me when he and I could have sex without emotions. Just came right out and asked it. Didn't beat around the bush or anything. What kind of question is THAT? I was completely in shock...appalled... and disappointed. Here I thought he wanted to be friends, because he was my best friend at one point in time. I feel so disgusted. The fact that he said he was falling in love with me during our relationship THAN after we break up... had the audacity to ask me to have sex. I went from being a person he loved to being a booty call. I have been crying on and off since he asked me. Because it makes me feel like the ONLY reason he wants to be friends is because he thinks ill have sex with him. I actually came very close to puking because I am so upset. Its obvious he is not ready to be the kind of friends I want to be. Friends that respect each other. Even though he and I havent had exe sex, I still feel like I lost a lot of respect for him and myself at the same time. I don't have any idea if its possible to be his friend after this. I am so hurt right now. I think I hate him at this point in time. I mean I have lost every single ounce of respect for him. Its sad that this guy wants to be a ped oncologist. You think he would have a heart and a soul. I don't want to cry over him ANYMORE!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 7:32pm

Sex is entirely different for men than it is for women. For us it is emotional, a way to connect. For them I honestly believe it goes back to the primal urge to procreate. They don't seem to attach the same emotional value to sex that we do. (I'm fighting the urge to call him a p

He was wrong to suggest that and your reaction is very understandable. I'd stay away from him for awhile, and if that isn't possible, I'd certainly define the boundries more.
I really think that you'd be better off keeping your distance though. At lease while you recover from this latest offense.

I'm so sorry you feel so badly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 8:01pm
(((Lindsey))) You should NOT let this jackass behavior cause you any loss of self respect! I'm sure this felt as painful as a punch in the stomach to you. But maybe this will make it easier for you to get over him. The poster before me is right. Sex is different for men, but this is really no excuse for him. There are a ton of single men out there who will turn down come on's from loose women, because they have respect for themselves, and women in general. And they certainly wouldn't ask an ex who they want to remain friends with to use her for that purpose. I would say that trying to maintain a friendship with him right now would be a bad idea. He doesn't deserve to have a nice girl like you in his life in any way. Hopefully, he'll grow up a hair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:41pm

oh lindseyloo! i am so sorry i haven't been reading the boards for the last few days- i was in MN for work!

please please please do not have ex- sex with him. you will only end up hurting yourself more and it will be a setback in all the great progress you have made so far! you've been doing awesome! right now, you need to emphasize that you only want to be friends, not friends with benefits. if that's what you want, stick by your guns and don't let him try and do anything else!!! boys have a tendency to be able to disconnect from all the emotions girls equate with sex. don't feel disrespected, pity him for not knowing any better and being willing to just grasp at straws because his hand isn't enough.

other than that i have a massive bruise on my upperarm from learning to shoot a shotgun though! it was blast! :O)

my ex- contacted me almost everyday this week while i was working and i didn't answer. i knew he took the redsox tix i bought him as a present and used them to take his new gal out, so i hope he chokes on them!!! he even emailed me, so i know that he's trying to be with the new girl and trying to talk to me, so he's even more of a scumbag!!!