Is he being honest?
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| Tue, 03-13-2007 - 11:49am |
So my boyfriend dumped me a week and a half ago because of a bunch of certain unhealthy issues I have and things I did wrong over and over again for the past yr. Even before this, but certainly after, I've done a lot of soul searching and am completely committed to making some much-needed changes in myself. I sent him very short (1 or 2 line) messages 4 or so times last week, letting him know how sorry I am, how I understand why this happened and that I accept full blame for everything. I also let him know how determined I am to fix everything and how all I want to is work on myself, and then work on "us". Thursday I laid it all out in a lengthy email, describing my goals and the steps I planned on taking (therapy--already started--etc), while also noting that I would now give him space (since I'd been contacting him almost every day) so we could both heal.
I went away for the weekend with no internet and was sure to leave my phone behind as well, but when I got back Friday, there were text messages from him saying he'd like to talk. We agreed to meet for coffee after work Tuesday, but then Monday he emailed me and asked if I could please do it that night instead.
So we got together last night, and he's said after spending all this time apart and thinking, what he wants in the longrun is for us to be together, but he absolutely doesn't trust or believe me right now. We talked for awhile and he wants to take time, several months he said, and see if he notices any changes. In the meantime, he'd like to continue talking occasionally, and maybe get together every few weeks for a bit. He's using the vacation time allocated for a vacation we'd planned to go skiing with a friend at the end of the month, so I won't see him again for at least 3 weeks. He also stressed he does NOT want anyone to know that we're speaking or anything, and that somewhat concerns me. I understand he doesn't want to hear from his friends how "pathetic" or "naive" he's being, and frankly, I don't WANT him to constantly have to hear that, but where does that leave things if we DO work things out? Will I be his closet girlfriend? Do they all hate me? What kind of relationship could we have if all of his friends HATE me?
I realize I brought this all upon myself, and it means so much to me that he's willing to at least wait and see. I know I have to be willing to accept a lot and have a lot to prove right now, I just some concerns, and I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice? Does everything sounds reasonable? Should we not speak at all? I can't screw this up again. I'm also afraid he's just saying this to make it easier for him to move on, so it's not as stark a contrast from basically living together to nothing. Am I being paranoid?

To me, it all sounds reasonable.