he broke up with me last night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
he broke up with me last night.
1
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 7:28pm

This has happened before, and i cant believe that i'm here again for the second time around.
We were together for about 3 and a half years and i was planning my future with this man, but now what?
He broke it off before, about a year ago and we got back together after a month. But at that time, i was that woman that HAD TO DO everything in my power to get him back, thinking that it was all or nothing that "i could not live without him". I was always the one calling, making plans to see him, totally going out of my way to do it...(one upside is that i lost about 10 pounds being depressed about it).
This time around though, i'm not crying as much anymore, i ca actually hold back the tears when it would be me usually breaking down in tears and asking for him to take me back. But something in me has changed. I dont know what exactly it is.
We argued last night about me not being able to drop things and holding a grudge, which eventually led to him saying "why can't you just trust me, if by this time you still can't trust me, i dont think we should be together"...that was it because the truth is, i dont think i can.
It's true that i would not feel this way unless he gave me a reason to.
It was when i found mysterious subscriptions to "dating sites" and one email that had him requesting some pictures and more "about herself" of this woman that just recently moved into calgary and she actually asked if they could get together...
Now, i may have been naive at the time because he said that it was just a joke that he played with his friends but really, if it WAS a joke, he wouldnt have to hide it from me because I HAD to find out for myself..and i dont think he would've told me about it unless i found out which i did.
We argued about it and just turned out to him promising that he wouldnt do it anymore, this was in march 2006.
I've always had trust issues with guys, especially the relationship before this one, i had an ex cheat on me twice. Now, i've trusted or tried to trust this guy i've been with for 3 years and to that point of that email, i just didnt know if i could anymore.
Now he broke it off last night, he's the type of guy that just walks away, hoping the problem will go away which is big BS cuz he always gave me a hard time because i used to be like that (and i've changed - i've changed alot of things for him). He gets verbally abusive when he's mad, calls me stupid, "slow", "can't understand things" and even to the point where if i take too long to answer him he says "it takes YOU that long to answer my -yes/no- question!?!?!?" and he gets mad.
So last night, there was no way of me telling him at all how i felt and why i brought up the trust issue again, because he just kept saying "i dont give a f*ck about what you have to say" and just kept interrupting, blowing me off and hanging up.

I really dont know where i am, i'm heart broken, but i feel different this time, maybe i've just had enough, enough of the arguements and enough of his verbal abuse (when he's mad) but WTF? because him saying that he doesnt mean what he says when he's mad...i mean it happens almost every fight so it's gotta come from somewhere.
I mean i'm still inlove with the guy, but i think something's telling me that it may be time to move on.

My heart aches, tears want to stream down my face...but nothing. Am i just too angry, on denial? or just plain done with it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 7:46pm
Same thing happened to me last night too! lol. Because in ur heart you know its done for. But your mind wants more. Why not compromise? take a month off. see what happens. fate just might bring you together :)