He Broke Up with Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
He Broke Up with Me
13
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 7:46pm
He broke up with me a month ago yesterday and I am still confused about the whole thing. He told me he still loved me and was still in love with me and that he cared about me but still broke up with me. We didn't have any really big problems and nothing that was wrong wasn't something that couldn't be fixed. I am miserable, lonely, depressed, sad. I want him back and just don't know how to do it. The pain is suffocating and my heart is shattered. I cry myself to sleep most nights and hardly get a decent nights sleep. I can't go on like this. I go over the last time I saw him in my head all the time. I blame myself for everything since I don't have any other answers. Some one help me! I can't take the pain anymore!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 8:33pm
This is just the saddest thing I've heard all day. Okay, the guy breaks up with you but tells you he's still in love with you? How exactly are you to make sense of this? He should have at least been man enough to give you a real reason for the breakup. At least that way, you could accept it and move on.

But, no, he tells you he loves you! How are you supposed to process this? You're not. And none of this is your fault. He is not worthy of you. Do you hear me? He is not good enough for you!

Right now, you're thinking, "Right, Lady. I'm totally, completely, and irrevocably in love with this guy, and HE LOVES ME! How am I supposed to get over a break-up with someone who loves me? We belong together!"

Yeah, well, that would be my response, too, but this guy is not playing fair with you. I once had a guy do a similar thing to me, and I spent many sleepless nights trying to wrap my head around it. The bottom line is, I never could. (And, now 14 years later, I’m married to a fantastic guy who worships the ground I walk on.)

Please do yourself a favor: Every time this guy's face pops into your head, every time you're tempted to replay a scene between you, banish the thought. Think of something else. Go for a walk. Put on your favorite CD. Anything!

Treat yourself extremely kindly. Buy yourself something wonderful. Get a makeover. Do whatever it takes to help you feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel good about yourself!

You owe it to yourself to move on. You will not believe this now, but this ridiculous experience will make you stronger. You will meet somebody who will love you as you deserve to be loved, and you will be happy.

And the guy who dumped you? Well, he’ll wake up one morning and realize that he threw away the best thing that ever happened to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 9:26pm
ya me and my ex broke up not too long ago over the dumbest things..what kind of things did u guys fight about if you don`t mind me asking?just don`t talk to him if he is sending you mixed signals..unless he wants to make up and deal with the issues..but he sounds like a jekr anyway telling you things if he dumped you
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 2:30am
I was dumped by my ex just 2 days after Valentine's Day. After he had dumped me he had the cheek to tell me that he still loves and that he still cares for me. My question is: if he still loves and cares for me then why the hell did he leave??? I find that men will find no particular reason to leave a woman. We women will always feel the guilty party thinking that maybe we had done something to bring on the break-up. I have to tell you that till today, I still hurt like hell and I still ache for him although at the same time I want to get him out of my heart and mind, if only it could have been easier said than done.

Lady, I don't have a very good advice for you but I just want you to know that I am going through the same heartbreaking emotional roller coast as you and many other ladies here too. It's a very tough time but I believe that sooner or later, I will get over him (heartless SOB) as I am determined to do so for the sake of my daughter who is coming to 5. I hope that you will be strong and occupy your time with your favorite things to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 6:47am
I got dumped last Wednesday see "feeling totally lost" for story. He sounds a bit like yours said he still loved me and cared for me my brain couldn't comprehend the mixed signals I was getting from him. I love him..I will love him for a long time but these type of men just mess us up..and they can't be totally honest. Do I feel that I should be treated like this?..No..do I deserve it?..No.. You must ask yourself these same questions and then from your inner sanctum of somewhere a voice tells you that this really wasn't your fault and that there was nothing that you could have done to save this. Don't let him play with your emotions..they are strong, powerful feelings and you must use the way you feel to heal yourself not to destroy yourself by playing things over and over in your mind. Since reading all the sad messages on here I came to realise that I am not the only one suffering.. and that in itself has helped. Please, please learn to let him go..we have to face facts that if they do love us as they say..then they would be here with us..and they are not.....I guess that answers everything. Take care x
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 6:56am
I am sorry you are sooo sad. I know its hard to get over someone you really

care about. You are concnetrating on all the positives and that is

normal BUT you have to think about why it ended. He says he loves

you but doesnt want a relationship which isnt fair. do you think

he will be receptive to you trying to get him back? If yes then

why not try ONCE but if you think he may not want you to push then dont.

If he rejects you will just feel worse and that wont help you.

Maybe take some time to think aobut you instead of him, that

usually help. Time does heal and you deserve to be happy. Take

care and good luck

Trish

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 12:45pm
Thank you so much for your kind and wise words. I can't wrap my head around all of this. It really does blow one's mind. My favorite part of the whole thing was after he told me that he still loved me, he said that one day I wouldn't love him anymore and that I would find someone else. Ok, I thought, I really need to hear this now while I am emotionally shattered and phyically a mess. What a really nice thing to tell the person you supposedly love. I begged and pleaded with him to change his mind but he said that he had to stick by his decision. All kept saying was that no one forced him to make the decision and that I don't agree with it, that I didn't want this at all. When people ask me about the situation. I tell them that it was not ok that he broke up with me but I will eventually be ok. Some day I will meet some one else, some day I will look back on this an be thankful, some day I won't hurt, etc. Unfortunatly, some day isn't today. And if it is his loss, how come I am the one how is in pain?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 12:50pm
This may sound strange but we didn't really fight. We had disagreements and such but never knock down, drag out fights. Our biggest issue was that his job is very demanding and takes up all of his time. I hadn't seen him in a month before we broke up. We talked on the phone but he just didn't have time to spend with me. Before you start to think he was cheating on me, he wasn't. I am not delusional, I called him at work and spoke with him at all hours. I can't get into what he does incase someone realizes whom I'm talking about - you'd be surprised at how small the world is. I was the most understanding person and gave him all the space and time he needed since he was working so hard and was beyond exhausted and stressed. I asked for nothing and got exactly that. My friends tend to think he is/was both emotionally and physically unavailable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 12:55pm
It feels good to know that some one else out there understands how I feel. I agree that if they truly do still love us and are still in love with us, why did they leave? They should have been men enough to give us a real reason. Of course none of this makes the pain go away. I know it will eventually get easier and we both will come away stronger from this experience. Right now I just want the pain to stop.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 1:02pm
Of course you're in pain. Who wouldn't be after this ridiculous rejection. He loves you but has to stick to his decision? What is he talking about? The very least he could do is try to make sense.

You don't know me, but I'm thinking of you and pulling for you. I once read an Ann Landers column, where she counseled a woman who'd been broken up with in a similar manner to give herself 48 hours to grieve, and then to get on with her life.

It sounded a little harsh to me at the time, but I tried it once--banishing all thoughts of the guy after that 48 hours, and it did get easier. Eventually, I stopped loving him. Became indifferent.

Saw him on the street years later and didn't know what I'd ever seen in him. I was completely out of his league, and he knew it.

I felt sorry for him.

Please be good to yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 7:40pm
You have been very kind to listen to me and respond. Today, for some reason, is a really bad one. It might have something to do with the horrible, rainy weather or the fact that it is the summer and he told me to hang on until the summer and everything will be ok. I thought about the Anne Lander's 48 hour thing and although it is excellent advice I am not sure that I am able to do that right now. I would love to banish all thoughts of him and not be tortured every moment of my life.

I know we do not know each other but it does help to know that some one out there is on my side and knows how this feels. And although I don't know your situation, I am here wishing, praying and hoping that one day you will find what you are looking for.

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