Hey Surfergirl, I know what you're going through. Trust me. First off, be proud of yourself that you had the strength to leave a bad situation. It wasn't the same for me. Secondly, men respond to break ups COMPLETELY different from women. Remember, they are more "logical" and "analytical", whereas women are more communicative and more in touch with our feelings. When we experience loss we mourn the loss; now whether that means we sit in our apartments for weeks crying, watching sappy movies, talking to our girlfriends multiple times a day, etc. Men aren't as in touch with their feelings as we are. They usually don't sit at home and have a good cry fest. They'll go out with their buddies and drink their sorrows away. It's easier for them to assess their new single life, instead of assessing their loss. I have no idea why they're like this. It almost seems like the harder they party, the harder they're hurting. When my ex and I had our first break up he said he went out every night, tried to get with as many girls as possible, got as drunk and stupid as he pleased. After we made the mistake of getting back together he told me that by going out it was his way of getting over the break up. He said he felt like he had a new freedom that he wanted to take full advantage of. He said he tried to talk to as many girls as possible. Then he said he realized he wasn't as much of a "pimp" as he thought he was, and he said that he started drinking more because he thought it would take his mind off of missing me. Men react in different ways, and just know that your ex is going out and partying to make himself feel better. Things can look a lot differently from the outside. Not everything is as it appears. I really respect you for planning to go and pick up your snowboards. Just make sure that you're truly prepared. It's not going to be easy, especially after breaking up only a week ago. After my ex and I finally broke up we met up a week 1/2 later to get the rest of our things...for me, it was so hard. I missed him so much. If you don't feel like you can see him, tell him to leave it there and you'll pick it up when he's not around, or ask one of your friends. Best of luck hun. I hope everything works out for you.
My ex did similar things. He started to go out drinking & staying out until 2 am(Had to wake up at 6 am for work). Then I saw the cell phone bill w/2 3 hours long incoming calls about 3 weeks after we broke-up. I flipped out. I confronted him w/it, he lied. Then the next day I called him and he admitted he was talking to some girl, but of course he did it as we used to talk every night and
hi, sorry to hear you are going through something like this as well. It sucks all around. One thing I learned though, you can't expect the ex to tell you everything they are doing. Why you're ex probably lied in the beginning. They have hearts too, believe it or not, and he prob didn't want to hurt you.
Hi bubbles, I just wanted to say thanks for writing this as it really did help me. It's true (but hard to remember when hurting) that everybody deals with a breakup differently...especially when it comes to men and women. I do believe women mourn the loss on such an emotional level it can be all- consuming for them at times (my case).
Men "are more "logical" and "analytical", and therefore handle a breakup very differently than women. Point in case, the man I love but can not be with said to me "I'll deal because I have to". Now it sounded almost flippant to me, but that isn't necessarily the case. He could be hurting as much as me at "our" loss of not being able to be together and take our relationship further...but wants to sound strong and matter-of-fact about it. Me on the other hand, was almost pleading with him (although I knew there wasn't really a chance). Gotta do the NC....I don't want to look like a whiny fool to him....want to keep my dignity.
I know what you're going through. Trust me. First off, be proud of yourself that you had the strength to leave a bad situation. It wasn't the same for me. Secondly, men respond to break ups COMPLETELY different from women. Remember, they are more "logical" and "analytical", whereas women are more communicative and more in touch with our feelings. When we experience loss we mourn the loss; now whether that means we sit in our apartments for weeks crying, watching sappy movies, talking to our girlfriends multiple times a day, etc. Men aren't as in touch with their feelings as we are. They usually don't sit at home and have a good cry fest. They'll go out with their buddies and drink their sorrows away. It's easier for them to assess their new single life, instead of assessing their loss. I have no idea why they're like this. It almost seems like the harder they party, the harder they're hurting. When my ex and I had our first break up he said he went out every night, tried to get with as many girls as possible, got as drunk and stupid as he pleased. After we made the mistake of getting back together he told me that by going out it was his way of getting over the break up. He said he felt like he had a new freedom that he wanted to take full advantage of. He said he tried to talk to as many girls as possible. Then he said he realized he wasn't as much of a "pimp" as he thought he was, and he said that he started drinking more because he thought it would take his mind off of missing me. Men react in different ways, and just know that your ex is going out and partying to make himself feel better. Things can look a lot differently from the outside. Not everything is as it appears. I really respect you for planning to go and pick up your snowboards. Just make sure that you're truly prepared. It's not going to be easy, especially after breaking up only a week ago. After my ex and I finally broke up we met up a week 1/2 later to get the rest of our things...for me, it was so hard. I missed him so much. If you don't feel like you can see him, tell him to leave it there and you'll pick it up when he's not around, or ask one of your friends. Best of luck hun. I hope everything works out for you.
If I were you, I would stop worrying about what he is doing or is saying he is doing.
Hi SurferGirl-
My ex did similar things. He started to go out drinking & staying out until 2 am(Had to wake up at 6 am for work). Then I saw the cell phone bill w/2 3 hours long incoming calls about 3 weeks after we broke-up. I flipped out. I confronted him w/it, he lied. Then the next day I called him and he admitted he was talking to some girl, but of course he did it as we used to talk every night and
seachells
hi, sorry to hear you are going through something like this as well. It sucks all around. One thing I learned though, you can't expect the ex to tell you everything they are doing. Why you're ex probably lied in the beginning. They have hearts too, believe it or not, and he prob didn't want to hurt you.
Hi bubbles,
I just wanted to say thanks for writing this as it really did help me.
It's true (but hard to remember when hurting) that everybody deals with a
breakup differently...especially when it comes to men and women. I do
believe women mourn the loss on such an emotional level it can be all-
consuming for them at times (my case).
Men "are more "logical" and "analytical", and therefore handle a breakup very
differently than women. Point in case, the man I love but can not be with said
to me "I'll deal because I have to". Now it sounded almost flippant to me, but
that isn't necessarily the case. He could be hurting as much as me at "our" loss
of not being able to be together and take our relationship further...but wants
to sound strong and matter-of-fact about it. Me on the other hand, was almost
pleading with him (although I knew there wasn't really a chance). Gotta do the
NC....I don't want to look like a whiny fool to him....want to keep my dignity.