He called
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| Fri, 05-13-2005 - 3:00am |
He left me a message (thankfully I wasn't home) today telling me he was thinking about me and hoped everything was going great. Sorry he missed me, but we'd talk real soon. I am not upset - it actually made me feel good to hear he was thinking about me (so I don't have to wonder if he has forgotten about me). But that is enough - I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to know how wonderful his life is and I don't want to tell him what is going on in my life. I feel that I am moving on and I don't want to get back into more drama with him.
I know he will call again, and I hope I'm not home when he does. I'd like to say I wouldn't pick up the phone, but that's easier said than done. Hearing his voice on my voicemail was a validation of some sort, but actually talking to him would set me back.
I never thought I would get to the point where I didn't want to talk to him. For anyone reading this who is just at the start of a breakup, have faith that in time you will be okay. I thought he was the one, the only one, and I would never be happy again. I am actually surprised how good I have been feeling the last week - its like the cloud has lifted. This board has been a great help to me, and I appreciate everyone's kind comments.

i am SOOOO proud and SOOOO happy for you!!! :D
i realllly hope you stay strong and resist all temptation to open contact with him. youve done so well so far, and from here on - even when you feel weak - it will only get better and you can only become even stronger...
with alllll your might - dont fall back on your progress. learn from my mistakes!! unlike you, i caved this past year when my ex opened contact with me and i allowed for him to re-enter my life... and look - im here again! BLAH!!
and id suggest you to prepare for when he does call and youre there to pick up ... recite how youll respond to him so that should time comes - it wont catch you off guard...
remember: the past is the past... and what you have now, is an exciting and better future to look foward to...
(((HUGS)))
eeksj
Don't be so hard on yourself - remember this is the second time I am going through this with him too. The first time I took his calls and slowly let him back into my life. Everyone warned me not to, but I had to learn for myself I guess. After everything we had been through, I really didn't think he'd pull the disappearing act again. So instead of being over this a year ago, I wasted another year of my life. I don't regret giving it another chance, though - I had to know for sure.
Now I know that unless he gets extensive counseling for his committment problems, not to mention help for his addictions, there is no way he is going to be able to sustain a relationship with me, or anyone else. I hope that he does - for his own happiness, but I don't see it happening. And even if it does, it is too late for us. Too much damage has been done and I want a fresh start with someone else.
Just a thought...I've had it happen in the past that I was ok with one call, then two, but at three I started to get tempted to pick up, and I finally would when he called a fourth time. And the cycle would start again.
So I called the phone company and ordered call rejection so he couldn't call, and I wouldn't be tempted. It was the piece I was missing in my healing. I'd highly recommend it.
Sheri
Do not pick up the phone, please.
This healing process is just the same as an alcoholic person. If you stay sober for a long period but drink a drop of alcohol then all your effort will be lost.
It is very important that you do not talk to him. He will try to convince you to be friends or get back because his ego is huge. It is not love or friendship what is driving him to contact you, it is just the pleasure to know that he can control you as a puppet.
Please have this in mind everytime you listen the phone ringing.
It is not an easy process. It is a quite painful one, but anyone who succeeds will also feel stronger and proud of her/himself at the end of the road.
It is hard at the beginning but every single day that passes by makes you stronger for the next day.
I COMPLETELY agree with the bit about being an alcoholic. it's very very true. I had no contact with my ex for around 2 and a half months or so, but then after a few things occurred, we had to have contact, only very briefly, and there was no talk of us at all. yet it still set me back quite a few paces. before we had contact, i was still missing him of course, but it was easier not to talk to him, i was accepting things more and beginning to move on. talking to him has set me back, made me miss him more, upset me all over again and got me thinking all the "what ifs" etc and thinking about the good times.
So i'd go with everyone else - don't pick up the phone! you already know this, but actually putting it into practice is more difficult. the blocking his number idea sounds good, but for awhile it may make you wonder if he has still been trying to contact you etc. but thats better than thinking its him every time the phone rings, and being tempted to answer.
good luck!
I have to agree w/ most of the posters here that say don't call. except one reason
i have had no contact in 7 weeks I never once picked up the phone. After we broke I sent an email two days later (he wanted to be friends) saying i could not be friends, It was not good for me right now.. and i did not want any contact. well he did send me an email at Easter, and i responded w/the same happy easter. He called me at one mnth mark, not sure why as we never really got a chance to talk. He left a vm at work, and I was off on vacation. I accidentally returned his call and we got a chanceto really chat. Well it ate me up inside as to why he called and I could not let it go. A week later I himmed and hawwed abutcalling emailing and plenty of times I wrote the email and deleted. Something in my gut told me finally this was something i had to do to let go of allhope.
So i emailed him,and yes he responded and wanted to call. and yes he called and told me how life was soo great and yes it hurt.. and pushed me backwards a bit, but I believe something in my intuition told me to send that email. It was not an impulsive emotional bout, it was well thought out process. Would I say do it again or not to do it. No, what I say is do what is true deep in your heart and feelings but to remain sane do not call . If it purely something for your own good and you knowyouhave kept yur respect and dignity and havenot called and begged or grobled to get back then it is ok.. But remember when yu are emotional sometimes we do things to get away from the pain and it ends up being worse. Hearnghow great he was actually made me mad.. and I neverwent through the process of Anger so it did help me get through that stage.
sorry just my story and by no means does this mean I agree w/ calling a man.. No way!