He called & I'm having a wrose time

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
He called & I'm having a wrose time
4
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 9:17am
I've been posting here since my ex & I broke up over a week ago. Since then I found him on myspace talking with girls about his great friday night. I felt he didn't understand how I was feeling alot of times & he didn't have much compassion. I felt mis understood. And you all probally know the rest. He has said everything is my fault which I can assure you is not. I have started to believe that so I wrote him an email basiclly begging him to call me since he got his number changed & he did. I cried the whole time. Told him I wanted him back, loved him, missed him bla bla bla. HE still never seemed to get what he did to me. And he told me he loved me. SO yesterday I wrote him a few emails & he called me last night & I told him I was thinking about getting a myspace account like he did to meet people & put pictures of myself on there in my bathing suit like he did. He went off on me, told me to go ahead & do it & then told me to eff off.
So, I was so mad & wrote him like 4 emails & this mornign I feel like I am back to the begining. He sent me two emails back & said " Why are you such an ass? You need to grow up,and i hope soon.You blew it tonight,i called to talk and all you did was accusse me of stupid s**t."
Why do I want him to want me? Why am I jealous he's going to be off at some labor day weekend party with the myspace people? I feel out of control, unable to sleep, eat. I cry on & off. I get mad, then I get rational. I feel like if I stop emailing him he will forget about me forever. Please help. I need support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2007
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 10:55am

i'm really sorry you're going through something like this. i recently got dumped as well, and the wave of sh*t that comes with it is crushingly hard to deal with. but you need to wake up and snap out of it. everything you do that keeps you and him connected will only hurt you more and drive him away. i'm in a similar situation because my ex keeps a blog about her life and i find myself constantly checking it, keeping tabs on how she's doing and how well she's "moving on", and it's incredibly painful. i loathe myself for checking it but i can't stop, it's like an addiction to feel sh*tty.

every time you're about to do anything concerning him, just don't do it =/
every email you write to him will only cement his resolve into thinking he did the right thing. guys are like that, we'll pursue anything that is unobtainable, but once we know we have you hooked, we start looking elsewhere. you need to make him miss you, you need him to wonder why you've stopped emailing him, why you don't even care to talk to him, or keep tabs on him.

don't get a myspace just to prove how over you are with him and how well you're doing, it'll just create another conduit for more pain, because you'll log on every day, check your page, check his page and feel miserable.

if he's already treating you like this, why do you need him? it's cliche to say this, but yeah there are TONS of ppl out there, why settle for someone who obviously doesn't care about your feelings? if he really loved you he wouldn't treat you like this, he'd do everything his power to cut you out of his life, because he should know that every time you speak he's only hurting you more.

but i have some good news for you, every post, every article, everything and anything on this forum that involves heartbreak has one universal truth, it'll get better as time goes on. as long as you follow the steps to moving on, you'll find yourself feeling much much better as the days go.

be strong woman! keep your dignity intact, and this guy will eventually respect you. if you continue you put him on a pedestal you'll only be giving him fuel to move on quicker.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 11:47am

Curlygrl,


When you write those letters and emails, you really need to burn them and not send them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 11:43pm
GIRL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF!!!!! everything you need to know you have already said! You said you feel like if you stop emailing him that will be the last time you hear from him! Listen to someone who was in that kind of relationship before and I'm telling you from experience if you stop emailing him means you won't hear from him anymore than that means he don't want to communicate with you without being prompted too! All your pain is coming from you! If you want it to stop then you have to take control of the situation! I bet all's you do is think about him and get more and more panicked when you don't hear from him and then when you do hear from him you feel even worse and more unglued! and then you let him make you feel like you did something wrong! which is a classic case of transferance! They screw up and then they make you feel like it wouldn't have happened had you done something different! NEWS FLASH! nothing you would or could or will do will change what happened between you too! the bottom line is this If you were his girl and he was on a site looking for women or hookups there's no more clearer way than that than to say his interest in you is not the same as your interest in him! The thing is you have to stop lying to yourself and rationalizing the situation in order to admit that to yourself and believe me I know it hurts but it will hurt alot more if you allow yourself to be dragged month after month through this emotional rollercoaster! I know how you feel! you feel lost and panicked like you can't remember what you use to do with all the hours in your day before him! you walk around and with knots in your stomach and feeling like the world is a very small place! Trust me, it's all a head game! the world is the same size it was before you met him and everything you use to do before he came along is still there waiting for you! Your pain will stop and your panick will stop when you stop! STOP EMAILING HIM! because all's your doing is keeping that line of communication open for him to keep emotionally ripping your apart! Your not happy when you don't speak to him and your not happy when you do! You have to get control of this situation and see it for what it is! anyone who truly loves you would never blame you for anything because love is protective. This will stop when you stop it! You say all these things that he's doing that is making you unhappy and playing with your mental state but my question to you is WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT???? If you stop emailing him knowing you won't hear from him that is the biggest adcvantage you have but your blowing it! Sometimes you gotta pull back and give a person a chance to see why you are special and miss you alittle! but as long as you keep contacting him all's your telling him is that he can piss in your face as much as he wants and you'll still be there! Stop emailing him and go hang out with your friends and do you!and if he values you in any kind of way he'll come back looking for you and if he doesn't so what! all's you lost is someone that was hurting you and not taking responsibility for it and do you really want to go through the rest of your life emailing some idiot trying to convince him your the person he should love! Please there is too many guys out there to waste that kind of time on. Go and start doing something for yourself and if you start getting the need to email him write an email to him but send it to yourself and the more you do that and then read them the more you will see how you don't need him and you will begin to heal. Take care
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 12:35am

Curlygrl-

I am sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, you have a long way to go.
Jax pretty much described what I went through exactly. You need to stop contacting him. You will have good days and bad days. I am going on 7 weeks of N/C, it is still hard but getting easier every day.

Take a deep breath and make the decision to stop the cycle. Have you read the Zen of Doing Nothing? It is in the resource section of the message boards. The one about Space is great too. Please print them out and read and re-read those.
Best wishes to you~