he called me
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| Wed, 04-18-2007 - 8:41am |
i was doing really well on no contact for the last week. i made in 7 days. he called 2x during that time and wrote one 2 sentence email to me and i didn't respond. i'm trying to be a break-up buddy for one of my best friends at the same time, but it's hard, everytime she calls me from her home phone, it says unknown.
last night aourn 10:40pm, the caller id said unknown, and i though it was my friend, so i picked up. it was my ex-. i should have just hung up the phone and went to bed, but i talked to him for 15 mins. the worst part is that we didn't talk about anything important. just daily chit chat- the news, a few co-workers, about my upcoming trip to visit friends in FL. nothing about us or how we feel. the only thing he said faintly in that direction was "i'm happy you are talking to me" and when i asked about his new girlfriend, if he missed her, since she is on vacation right now until mid-next week he said "a lil bit, i've been really reflecting on what happened for the last few days." he had the nerve to tell me he would see me at the work gym tomorrow morning (which mind you, he never gets up early enough to go to, because he loves sleeping in). we ended our conversation with "see you at the gym tomorrow."
i don't know why i got my hopes up that he would be there, given his behavior and that he lied/betrayed me for almost 6 months. by the time i had showered at the gym this morning, emotionally i felt sad and angry that he wasn't keeping his word. that he again couldn't bother to do what he said he would. i don't know why i am so worked up, except that i still have some feelings, but i thought i was doing a good job of trying to control my actions, despite the sometimes overwhelming feelings that i do want to be with him. but realistically, it would never work because he's moved on without me.
i just feel like because his new gf is away, he thinks he can just call me and use me like a plaything to meet his emotional void of not having her around- to talk to, to go to the gym with, etc. i feel used and yesterday i was feeling so good for not talking to him.

Checkers - sorry to hear this happened to you. No contact is hard, and every day any of us succeeds is an accomplishment. Plus, you are being very hard on yourself in this case because you did not break NC - you picked up what you thought was your friend not knowing it was the ex; I don't know if I would have the strength to just hang up either! Either way, I know you are so hurt because contact brings back feelings, but don't despair. Its normal to feel crappy for a bit afterwards, but you just get back up on the horse and resume NC. The same thing happened to me - he got in touch with me when he was feeling alone and needy, I did not have it in me to ignore it - and I felt really bad for about a week, thought I was back to square 1 and miserable!!! I said to myself just to resume NC, and its easier this time around than the first, promise. The first few days are hard and then it passes/gets just a tiny bit easier every day.
Since I guess you have to see him at work/work gym - be strong! Act happy, confident, going about your life just fine thank you very much. Even though it hurts inside and it may be a facade he doesnt have to know that. And since your friend is also going through the same stuff, go out to dinner/cocktails/shopping with her - lean on each other, and us here too.
Hugs. Hope you feel better!
I am sorry that you are feeling so hurt. Of course you got your hopes up. We all do. Emotion is nothing rational. Even though you know that he is unreliable, you know he is just using you in the absence of his current gf, you know he has moved on, you still feel the bound you once shared, you still love him, and you want him to love you, even just a little bit.
Are you more angry about him, or about yourself? If you are angry about him, your anger is justified, since he is a jerk. Don't be too hard on yourself, though. His behavior just showed you how right the break up was. One more thing you can add to the "why I am glad that the relationship is over" list.
It is great that you have a break up buddy. And you are doing great not replying his phone calls and emails. Though it shouldn't be hard to ignore a 2-sentences email. :)