he called for nye/comes home thurs
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he called for nye/comes home thurs
| Mon, 01-02-2006 - 11:41am |
Okay, well here is the update. last i told you he called from his 4 week trip. missed me wanted me to come over there for new years, realizes he needs to work on some things, etc. well since that night i had a nightmare every day about his return (this thurs). after our 4 hour talk, he called me yesterday for new years, he said he was desperate to get in touch with me. he tried for 24 hours, but he is so remote he couldn't get an international line on his calling card. he said he misses me, has thought about me every second. etc. then i get an email from him. he has been trying to call, hes crazy to talk to me, i have no idea etc. I know he is coming home thurs, and honestly, i have been having real nightmares since our 4 hour convo. because i really love him, but i KNOW until he REALLY gets help i worry i will get hurt all over again. he was so hurtful when he tried to push me away the first time that i am so scared to try again. i want to, but all i have is images of the demise. not to mention, i just read the books hes scared shes scared at the recommendation of someone here and its HIM TO A T! i couldn't beleive it. actually made me cry. because i saw that i was so passive to accept some behaviors. anyway, my plan when he returns is to tell him, i do love him, but i was so hurt by his unacceptable behavior and him just abandoning our relationship because of his own fears. i can't try again with him until he is actually in therapy getting help. i can't live with the nightmares though, haven't slept in weeks

Lucy,
I am sorry you're going through this, it's been a tough ride.
It sounds like you've given a lot of thought to what you want, but you're going to need to be really strong when he comes back. I don't know all of what his issues are, or whether he'll be open to therapy, but it could be a really long road. And you know that you stand a good chance of getting hurt if you do pursue a relationship again. So please just be careful, which I totally realize is much easier said than done.
Hang in there, and I know it's tough but try to get some sleep. A big hug-