He called...and text
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| Mon, 05-14-2007 - 10:54am |
Oh crap.
He text me yesterday...in the morning. I didn't respond because what he said I think was not directed towards me, it seemed more of a blanket text that he probably sent to everyone in his phone. I went about my day and went to see my grandparents later on that evening. I didn't take my phone in the house with me I left it in the car. When I left my grandparents house I had 2 messages from him and 4 texts. the first vm was about 4 minutes long and went something like this:
>>Hi its me, I'm really really sorry for calling you. I hope that you are gettin on with your life. and i miss you loads i love you loads. But it was dumb of me. But we won today I'm happy about that but so unhappy in myself and that I losing you the way that i have done. And I hope you can forgive me. You are a fantastic girl and you will meet someone, if you haven't already, much much better than me. I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. I love you to bits and I hope that one day you can pick up the phone and talk to me. I'm so sorry about all this. OK bye. I love you loads. i don't want to say bye to you because I'm scared of saying bye to you and thats it. Please pick up the phone to me one day. Ok bye.<<
There was some other stuff but I don't remember it all. That was the basic jist of it.
Then there were 4 text messages begging me to please resond to him, please speak to him.
I just sent him a text back saying that I was with my nana.
He was drunk, but not bad. I listened to the message and just cried. I wanted him to call, I wanted to know that he remembered me, that he missed me somewhat.
I'm afraid to talk to him. I'm afraid that he only came to get forgiveness from me so he can not feel so guilty anymore. I'm afraid he wants more than forgiveness. I'm afraid that he's unhappy, I'm afraid that he is happy. I want to talk to him so much. I miss him so much. And everything now is just bad in my life and want himto just listen and be there. But what if he makes it worse? I'm afraid that he's just going to say he was drunk and he doesn't remember what he was saying. I'm afraid that he meant it. I just don't know what to think what to feel.

oh sun14, you sound just like I was the other day! BIG HUGS!
Your ex- is doing the same thing as my ex-, asking for your blessing and for your forgiveness so that he can move on and have closure. But in reality, even if they feel guilty, can't sleep, or turn to drink as a crutch, you can't truly be at peace and have closure from a person. They have to accept their words and actions and be able to accept that emotionally and mentally. That whatever they did is okay with them. In my case, I don't really think you can be okay with yourself for emotional infidelity that leads to the destruction of a relationship, and then jump directly into a new relationship.
Either way, it's something that our exes have to learn on their own. Stay strong. Don't contact him. Even if he is unhappy or happy, how does that have a direct affect on how you feel? Now you that know that he does remember you, keep your head up! I miss my ex as well, but he's not the same person he used to be in the relationship we had, it may be the same for you. You're entitled to have your bad days too.
Again, don't contact him. I don't talk to my ex- on the phone ever. He text messages me once a week and I'm working on not answering those either.
ugh. Too late.
I text him and asked if he meant what he said, does he want to talk to me? He said yes and wanted to know if he could call me on Wednesday. I said why so long and he said because he has his son and he wants to make sure there are no interruptions.
I want to talk to him even if he really only does want closure or to just feel better about himself. I can forgive him for leaving me because in his mind he only left to try and do what, he thinks, is right for his child which I don't completely agree with but understand. Maybe hearing some of the pain he has will make me feel somewhat less alone. Probably not.
He didn't cheat on me, he never abused me emotionally or physically, he never stole anything from me. He made a decision for whatever reason that did hurt me. After we broke up he pushed me away, that hurt me even more than the break up and I don't know how to handle that part.
I don't know I'm probably just making excuses. I'm not looking to get back together but I would like to not hold this grudge anymore, and I would like to let him know that I don't hate him and I would like to know that he doesn't hate me ( I know he doesn't but in my mind I have to make up some reason other than the one he gave me for why we broke up).
So I guess I'll see what happens on Wednesday. I know I have no right to complain anymore I'm doing this to myself.
good luck for wednesday. just remember that you can control your actions and that you don't have any intention of reconciling. you just want to let go of the anger and the grudges.
let us know how it goes.