He can't get over me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
He can't get over me
5
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 1:45pm

Hello,

My problem is one that is probably a little uncommon for these boards, because most of the posts i have seen have been about "I can't get over him/her". My post is about how my ex-fiance can't get over me.
We were together for 6 years, lived together for 5, had a house together, etc.
I broke up with him about 5 months ago, and moved out about 3 months ago.
I get constant emails, texts and voicemails from him, asking me to take him back, and how he recognizes what he did wrong, and that he has changed, and that he knows now how much he loves me and how he can't live his life without me, so on and so forth. For me, I left because I was incredibly unhappy, and since leaving I have found great happiness in my life.
I guess I am just looking for some advice on what I can or can't do to help him get over me. I have played nice and tried to be gentle with his feelings. That didn't work. I tried to be blunt, and told him i didn't love him and would never come back. That didn't work. Is there anything I can do? Or is this something that he'll just have to work out on his own? And is his behaviour normal?

Thank you to all who can take the time to share their thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 1:56pm

I went throught this years ago with an ex. It took him some time to get over it and now we are great friends (but that took a couple of years to accomplish), but he ended up telling me that he didn't start to heal until I broke all ties with him. Out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. I just broke up with someone I dearly love and as bad as I want to email or call him I know that I can't and that it would just make this agonizing process called "healing" drag out. So I think the best thing you can do is to not return his calls or emails and do everything you can to avoid him. I know it may seem cruel but one day he will probably realize that it was the best thing you could have ever done for him.

Good Luck
Jess

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 2:49pm

I was with my ex for about 10 months to a year or so. He was very much in love with me, but I just couldn't quite feel the same way. I beat myself up over. He was great and treated me like a princess, and I kept hurting him by going back and forth. Well I finally broke up with him and it was super hard. I would miss him so much, but it was really the idea of it that I was missing, and not him, which confused me the most. I still think about him though, and I still miss the stuff we did and how great he was to me. And its been about 5 months since I broke up with him. I am way better off because I don't have that icky feeling in my stomach telling me it's so wrong to be with him. I don't cry all the time and wonder what to do.

After I broke up with him, I was having to get used to being single again which was weird, even though I was single for 18 years before I met him (he was my first relationship). And lately, he has been calling me just asking to hang out and just see how things have been. And I feel horrible everytime because I just have to be like um sorry I don't think so. I just tell him that I can't really just "hang out" with him and be friends. It doesn't work that way. Eventually I want to be friends, but that will take awhile I think. He called me to tell me he changed his number, and to tell me he was moving to california (sucks, cause I would love to move there!), but I can't with him :(. And now I am kinda seeing a guy who doesn't communicate well, doesn't say nice things, and its hard cause I was so used to the guy giving a lot of effort and always being there. It's hard but I know what I have to do...and you know what you have to do as well, which is completely end contact and try to go on with your life. And praise yourself for not giving in to call him, or if a few hours go by without you thinking about him, those are progress!

I understand how you feel though, in how someone can't get over you, I feel horrible, I don't want to be that person, but my guy was pretty strong and he has gotten thru a lot of it, just make space and time will heal

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 4:21pm
I've been in a bad custody battle with my ex. He got ahold to the kids now he kept them. He has a expensive attonory. Legal aide will not help. The cheapest lawyer wants $5,000.00 . I don;t have that kind of money period. I don't make much and I still have my oldest son and bills out the ass to pay. I have no family been on my own since 13. I left the kids dad I got tried of him putting his hands on me and all that drunk stuff. He's got a long criminal history for hitting on meand being drunk. My 3 younger kids case is in jacksonville, florida. He keeps calling me to come home but I've been gone 3 years i'm not going back to him. I just want my kids home. We were never married and he did not establish paternity but on one child but The police nor DCF will help they said there hands are tied because I don't deny paternity. This man is pissed off that i left him and is using the kids as a way to make me come back.He refuses to let me see or talk to them. There is someone who can help me. Please forward this to all you know. for information or any one willing to accuatly help me the case number is 16-2005-DR-5319-FMXX , Duval County Jacksonville, Florida,to anyone that might think this is made up. I really need help. The cost getting to and from florida for court i take off work, no job no money!, I got trial coming up in march so I have to find a lawyer before that. carolyn lilbitcraze@yahoo.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:08pm

Block his emails and stop talking to him. Some people only want what they can't have. Once the goal is reached, it's back to the bad behavior.

As long as you continue to communicate with him, he has it in his mind that there is still hope. That some day, some time, he will wear you down and things might change.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Thu, 11-23-2006 - 6:32am
I agree with the others - you need to cut him off completely. Whilst you're still acknowledging him you're feeding his fantasies that he may win you back. Ignore his calls, e-mails etc, and avoid going anywhere that you might meet him. This way, he'll have to adjust to life without you.