He chased me away.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
He chased me away.....
3
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 7:00pm
....but I still want to stay. He said give me an answer, and since I couldnt say 'yes', I had to say 'no'. But I didnt want to say 'no', I wanted to say 'lets see how things move along for the next couple of months and maybe I can give you an answer then' We've been dating for three months and he wants an answer. Am I crazy to expect a little bit more time before I commit myself to a man for the rest of my life? We want the same things, just on different timelines. Do things like this ever work out? I thought the girls were the ones who freaked the guys out, pushing for a ring and a marriage and a house with a little white picket fence. But HE'S the one pushing for all that, and I'm starting to run despite the fact that I want them too (eventually). It's not 'no', just 'not now'. But that's not good enough for him, I guess. He wants 'yes' or nothing at all. Do I change my answer to 'yes' because I think I'll be able to say it in the future (probably near future, even) or do I stick by my 'no' because I dont feel a total 'yes' right now? And if I say 'yes' I will be giving in to pressure, but if I expect that I'll get there eventually, whats the difference in saying it now or saying it then? Is pressure always a negative thing? Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 7:41pm

If your answer right this second is no, then that's your answer.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2007
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 9:36am
This is very funny but it is EXACTLY what I am going through right now but on the other side. To me, I think it's important to tell him you want him back. All those other things like the ring and white picket fence with come in due time. Tell him you want him back and make the commitment. Believe me because he doesn't know what to do either. You pushed him away and he is probably having a hard time dealing with it. He won't come to you because he will feel like he is once again pushing you. Let him in but go to him. My advice, say YES and see how it goes. If it doesn't work the second time around, then what have you really lost?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 11:45am

You did the absolute right thing. It is much better to be completely honest than to give someone a "yes" answer just so you can keep your options open with him. It wouldn't be fair to say what suits a selfish motive. If he is in that much of a rush to get married, and you know you're not, it's best you let him go. I'm not sure how old you are, but anyone to demand a lifelong commitment after only 3 months sounds a bit too frantic. That could lead to other problems down the line.

You could talk to him again after he's had a chance to let it sink in, and ask him if your relationship is important enough to him to give you more time. If he says yes, great. If his priority is to marry asap without regard to your feelings, walk away. Continue to be honest, don't tell him what he wants to hear. That's not fair and hurts worse in the long run.