HE CHEATED NOW WHAT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
HE CHEATED NOW WHAT?
6
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 9:37pm

Hi all the last time i posted i said my hubby had cheated on me but didn't really give detail.

sooo....

For the past few years i have struggled w/ him doing drugs. And we have been thru marriage counsling and he has been thru drug counsling as well. Every time i find out he is doing wrong he quits long enough to get off my "radar". Then he always seems to go out and do somthing worse. well this time took the cake. for a while i had been suspicious of him then one nite while chatting i was talking bout him. I said his screen name and they told me to go to his myspace(i didn't know he had) so i did. It was horroble it said he wasn't married looking to meet any girl for well u get the picture. So i did a little P.I. work and eventually ended up talking to his girlfreind. I kicked him out and was broken to peices. I had no i dea what to do. We were separated for bout a week and then i missed him too much, so dumb me let him coma home w/ a certain amount of rules of course IE.. not drugs, no drinking, no lieing and, no cheating. or it will be divorce.

soo here i am back in the same boat AGAIN wondering if he means buisness this time or if he is just waiting to got on my good side. I don't trust him but i do love him. SO i duno what to do. If any one has an opinion or some advice that would be great. I don't have any friends or family here. So i am kinda stuck.

Thankyou,

GoodGirlTali777

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:39pm
I know you're time apart is tough, but what is tougher? Living with the lying and cheating and feeling a lack of self worth? Or having enough respect for yourself to live without him? At least long enoungh to see if he really cares enough about you and your relationship to change. If you give him time, and he really does care he'll change in order to keep you. You need to be strong for your sake and his sake if your relationship is ever going to work. If he sees you mean business and you respect yourself enough not to put up with his hurtful behavior, then hopefully he'll also find a new respect for you.
Also, let him see you busy-- working on bettering yourself and finding ways to make yourself happy. Don't put your life on hold because of his selfish, self-centered ways. When he sees you moving on it may make him realize that he is losing a good thing. If he doesn't realize and change, move on...he's not worth wasting your life on. Life is too short!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:59pm
hi thak you for ur advice. I did leave him for a week. and now he is back home things r going good. but i am afraid he will just do it again. I duno we have a 2 year old daughter so if he doesn't think of me i hope he puts her first. i duno if i can ever trust him again tho. it is too hard to. he is acting like everything is ok right now. but i give him a few months. cuz after he thinks he has my trust back he normally does somthin stupid again. It just seems like one thing after another. But i guesse they were right when they said love hurts. I'm holding up ok. it is just hard. i'm trying to let it go. thankyou again hope to hear from u again
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 11:20pm

With addicts you can never be sure, because the drug/addiction of choice is #1. Have you posted on the Betrayed Spouse Support board?

But I will say this: if the pattern is for him to do just enough to appease you (stay off radar) then things haven't changed. Actions have to match words and rebuilding trust and healing the betrayal has to be #1.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 6:19am

Hang in there, I know from experience it's tough. I was married to an abusive, self-centered control freak. 11 years and 5 kids later, I was finally strong enough to leave for good. Raising kids alone,(only spuratic child support from him) is not easy. It's now been 14 years since and he hasn't changed. When I think about what my life would be if I hadn't left, I'm glad I finally did. For the kids sake too.

Do what is right for you. Protect your children from any harm (physical, mental, emotional) and pray--a lot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 4:47pm
well actually he did this to you several times. so what i think you really need to deside if you need to stay or let go of this marriage. like you mention you guys been to a marriage counsling but seems nothing happen. remember you have the right to be happy also. i know this not kinda marriage thing you wanna have right. his doing drugs so its hard to make him focus. anyways this all up to you. ASAP you need to do something with it.. do what you think is right for you and make you happy. always remember GOD IS LISTENING. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 10:36am
Hi Tali, welcome to iVillage's Love & Sex channel.