He Cheated ..what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
He Cheated ..what to do?
6
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:29pm

My boyfriend of over two years cheated on me. He kissed an ex about a month ago and i didnt fin out til today. THe last two plus years have been amazing. Hes my best friend, support, my everything. Yeah he fought from time to time but nothing major. One day about 3 weeks ago he out of the blue said he needed a break. I should have seen it as a sign. He told me his two jobs and school schedule didnt allow enough time for him to give me 100% of the time i deserve. AFter a week of being on a break , he appoligized and we were back together. Last night, at a mutual friend's house i was told my boyfriend could not join us after he got off work, ALthough these were mutual friends. I was confused and mad at my friends. THey wouldnt explain but just told me to talk to him. I begged him to tell me anything that was going on. He denied anything and said my friends were being rediculous. TOday after a great day of shopping with my boyfriend a friend calls me and says she just cant take it anymore , she says "hes cheated on you" I ask my boyfriend, telling him to just tell me the truth, he still denies. I call the girl he suposidly cheated with, and she denies it. an hour later, she calls back and spills everything. I demand the truth from my boyfriend, and he breaks down. He admits to kissing her about 3 days before we decided to take a break. Stupid me, ofcoarse there was a reason for that out of the blue break.

Im heatbroken. Hes the first serious relationship ive ever had and i put my everything into the last two years. I cant stop crying and cant bring myself to do much mre than lay in bed. He tells me he understands if i hate him, and that he made a mistake and still loves me. I believe him. Hes never hurt me before, never cheated before. BUt i always said id never say with someone who cheated. I just cant do it, i love him too much. Im afraid if i break up with him, ill fall apart and loose the man i planned on marrying, the love of my life. please give me insight.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 2:35am
You know I'd be pretty upset too if I found out my bf had kissed an ex, but I'm not sure I would consider that cheating exactly. It sounds to me like there's a chance the two of you could work this out, if you remain calm. If you're still in touch, consider getting together and talking about what happened. It sounds like he made a mistake and he still loves you, so if I were you I would give him a chance to explain himself. I mean if he only kissed her it may not be as bad as you think. It's not like he actually had sex with her, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 3:58am
i agree, it doesnt have to be the end. but remember, he lied to you. that is what is worse, i think. and another thing that worries me is that a couple days after the kiss he wanted a break... why? was he hoping to rekindle with the ex and when it didn't work out he came back to you? i'm sorry, this might not be what you want to hear, and bear in mind i am bitter going through a breakup with a cheater too, so take my words with a grain of salt (always). just try not to sell yourself short, which is easier said than done when it comes to love, unfortunately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 8:34am

Hello,

I agree, it seemed to me that he was hoping to get back with his ex after this supposingly only Kiss. He wanted a break right after. That to me says alot. Maybe she decided she didnt want to get back together with him so he went back to you. That to me says alot. He also lied about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:02am
What I'm wondering is if he hadn't been caught, or if his ex had taken him back, if he would still be considering it a mistake. It sounds like he thinks that if you don't know about it, what he did wasn't so bad, and if that is the way he feels, there's a good chance that this will happen again someday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:06pm
right. I know. I keep telling myself this, but its just the lies that hurt so badly. I feel like ive invested 2 years with someone i dont even know anymore. The man i knew would never do anything of the sort or hurt me in any way. Hes been so true and perfect until this and i think thats what makes it worse. I've decided to stay together and try to work things out but i just dont know how to make this horrible feeling go away. I cant eat, i cant sleep, its all i think about. Im afraid nothings going to ever be the same between us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 3:06am
Alright , so i took your advice, analysed every question and decided i needed to talk to him. I asked him everything i could think of , and i may be nieve but i believe in giving second chances so thats what im going to do. He says it was stupid that he was missing something in our relationship and didnt know how to tell me. We decided to work on it, take it slow and start communicating better. I hope im doing the right thing and im setting a boundry this time...he gets one chance and if he does it again, im done for good. It was just so hard for me to think that our 3 year relationship could be over so quickly, before i even had a chance to breathe. So, here it goes, im forgiving him for the action, not for the lies, and starting fresh. Ive never done anything in my life for me until today. THis is what will make me happy for right now in my life, so wish me luck and good luck with everything for you.