He is crying...but he dumped ME!?!
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| Tue, 06-06-2006 - 2:11pm |
My boyfriend and I had been dating for 6 months. It got serious fast. He asked my parents for my hand in marriage and suggested we get a house together. So the past month we've been going through the pre-approval process of buying a house. Everything has seemed to be good with us. I still lived in my own apartment and he lived on his own too but soon we were about to join our lives together by getting married and buying a house together. Things couldn't have been more perfect right? Well not exactly.
The past two weeks he has had some money & job related stress which led him to becoming distant from me and finally this past Saturday night he broke up with me. He claims because he has issues he needs to deal with and he just can't commit right now because he needs to do some "soul searching" on his own. (FYI he is 35 and I am 25). I was devastated because he still told me he loves me so much and leaving me is hard and he knows he is going to regret it but he has to fix his issues first. He said I was great for him and did nothing wrong.
I actually haven't been too upset. Not really crying too much and just keeping my head up. But since the break-up he has been calling me constantly. I know I should not have answered but I did...I'm too nice I guess. Well he is the one that is crying and so now my tears have been flowing. He keeps calling to check up on me and see if I'm holding up okay but he keeps calling me "babe" and "baby" instead of my name. He tells me he loves me and insists that if I wasn't in his life he'd be lost. He'll call me to tell me he was thinking of me...things like that.
So now I'm really confused. Did he realize he made a mistake and want to get back with me? Does he just want to be friends and he is just being too nice? Is it so he can clear his conscience and not feel guilty? Or is he trying to keep me in his life so when he "fixes" his situation we can get back together later on down the road?
It makes me feel good that he is hurting too and when he says nice things it makes me feel good but at the same time he is giving me mixed signals. Is it healthy to continue talking and comforting each other or should I not answer his calls anymore? He seems almost sadder then I am...I'm confused.

Obviously he's feeling some ambivalence about his decision, but you continuing to talk to him is NOT going to help him resolve that ambivalence. If he were sure he wanted to get back together with you, he would let you know that beyond a doubt. The issues that caused him to break up with you are still there.
I think the best thing to do is tell him that you love him and you want things to work out, but he needs to figure things out on his own, so it's best if the two of you don't have any contact for the time being. Ask him to please call you if and when he decides that he's 100% ready to commit to you and move forward (or at least get counseling together), but in the meantime, you need to not talk to him. If it's meant to be, it'll work out, but in the meantime, you need to assume that it's over and start moving on.
Sheri
I know somewhat about what you are talking about.
I was with my ex 4.5 years since our Junior year in highschool we are both young, he is 22, I'm 21. He broke up with me 6 weeks ago because he didn't want to be in a relationship right now, is trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life, needs alone time, etc...
He cried the whole time he was telling me this. He said that he still loves me and he will probably regret breaking up with me but that right now he needs to do this.
Unlike your ex he hasn't called me once. I figure this is because he is hurting also and talking to me hurts him and he knows it hurts me, I told him it was too hard to talk to him. We've not talked in 4 weeks.
If I were you I would tell him next time he called that it hurts too much to talk to him and that you need some time alone without talking to him. Then if he continues to call don't answer. When you feel like the time is right you can call him.
Sometimes not talking to an ex helps the healing process because you don't have to deal with the feelings that you get when you hear from them.
~Amber~