He did it right before my bday!
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| Mon, 01-21-2008 - 6:03am |
So something had been wrong with me and my bf's relationship since....I want to say late November/early December. We work opposite shifts, but he used to make an effort to see me for a few hours one day during the week, and then anytime we could spend together on the weekends.
Then after November, the weekly visits stopped. He came up with excuses as to why we couldn't.
Then he started weasling out of spending any time on the weekends with me. He seemed to only come to see me out of obligation or guilt if he didn't.
Around the second week of December, the phone calls got shorter and shorter. He would barely say a word to me. We talked every night. Soon it was just a one sided conversation with him breathing on the other end, inserting a "yup" and "uh huh" every few minutes and a "Yes I'm listening!!"
Then around the beginning of this month, he stopped wanting any physical contact. I had to initiate everything. He was no longer interested in what I wore or didn't wear. I'd go to touch him or initiate something, and he'd pull away. I had to almost seduce him to get him to go along with me. I feel like a rapist.
So I knew something was going to happen. I just didn't think it would right BEFORE my birthday. He came over on Friday night and was being his typical quiet self, totally ignoring me and watching the TV, not even caring that I was trying to touch and hug him. This had been eating at me for so long, I finally said "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?"
He blurted "We need to take a break"
I wasn't shocked, as I said, I knew something was coming. But I started bawling anyways. He said he is in a "funk" and he wants to take a break for a while. He gave me the typical "It's not you, it's me". I begged and pleaded with him. "What did I do wrong?" "What did I say?" "Did I make you mad?" "Be honest, WHAT DID I DO?" and he kept saying I had done nothing, it was all him. I yelled at him for waiting until right before my damn birthday to do this. I said that I KNEW something was wrong. I asked him why he just let it keep going on this long. He said he was trying as hard as he could to shake the funk feeling, but he couldn't make it go away. I asked him if the feeling was "I'd be better off without her" and he said no. He said he still loves me and still wants to be with me, but we have to take a break. He promised he'd call me in two weeks. I won't hold my breath.
I can't shake the feeling he just wants to go out and have sex with tons of girls and get drunk and enjoy being without me. I can't shake the feeling that in his eyes,

Happy Birthday teddygrahm1987,
Sorry you are going though this.
Hey teddygrahm1987 -
I'm so sorry you're going through this!! I've been there - where I don't want to do ANYTHING, where I was so down that all I did was think and obsess over him and how much I missed him. And I never thought I could go through it, cause the feeling was so overwhelming! But what really helped me was spending time and talking with the people that truly cared about me. I vented to them, and they talked me through my feelings. Even though I didn't want to hear it. But the more my friends were there for me, the more I felt like I deserved better and the more I realized that I would be okay.
I hope you don't call him, and take this time to vent to your friends, and try to spend time with them, doing things you enjoy. Even though I'm sure you may feel like you won't enjoy them, it will definitely be better than staying in your room and crying all day (even though I know that's probably what you want to do). Use these two weeks to truly figure out what you want in a relationship.
First loves are always harder to get over, and maybe he may get out of this funk. But if he doesn't, I'm know you're resilient enough and you WILL get through this. There is NO doubt about it. You'll realize down the line, that he really wasn't all that you thought him to be. Don't you want someone you WANTS you? who WANTS to be intimate and affectionate with you? You deserve that! Don't forget that.
So my advice to you is, even though you don't feel like doing things, JUST DO THEM. Even if you feel like a robot. And get out there and hang out with your friends, even if you don't think you'll have a good time. If they're good friends, they will be there for you.
Vent here if you need to as well.
Good luck and BIG HUGS!!!