He Does Not Seem to Care
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| Thu, 12-07-2006 - 7:32am |
My boyfriend of 18 months and I broke up on Saturday over the tiniest of items, but something that was important to me. I really thought he was erasing the history of his sessions on my computer. He says he isn't, and I actually believe him. The thing is that he got incredibly mad and stormed out of here quite violently.
I talked to him tonight after I had cried for four days. I basically totally backed down. But now I feel awful. He had not missed me. He was relieved to be on his own. He has severe doubts about fitting into my life for other reasons. I have kids and a house, parents who visit from out of town, a career, and a lot of other things that he feels take me away from him. He says we are not building anything together. I had thought we were building a great life despite our increasing fighting... I am so devastated!
He did not try to understand my feelings and had nothing to offer in terms of preventing a big scene from happening again. In fact, he feels I have no right to bring up what he calls trivial issues because he puts up with my family, my kids, an ex-boyfriend who writes letters to me and won't give up, and a whole lot more. He could not say he loves me.
I miss him so much, but he does not seem to be really wanting to be in this relationship.
Basically, I think we are done. I am so upset, I can hardly stand it. And the fact that he is not upset about it hurts me... I gave this guy all I could give. Maybe it will turn around, but I don't really think so.
I have a new job that I have to go to tomorrow, and I'm here, up most of the night feeling waves of grief paralyze me.
Thank you for even reading this. I don't know where else to turn.
--recreating

OUCH! You must be so hurt right now. My bf broke up with me on Sunday and we haven't spoken since. We were both upset over a silly misunderstanding but he ended up walking out and wasn't very nice about it. I've been in shock all week, not really thinking or feeling anything. Usually when we fight or break up (yes its happened before) I'm the one who will call and we end up working through it. I haven't called him this time and to be honest its because I'm afraid I'll get the same reaction you did. I'm sorry you are going through this, I know how it feels. You can't make him care though and you need to worry about yourself right now. All you can do is throw yourself into the new job and do the best you can.
Hugs to you
Stacey
Unfortunately it sounds as if he's experiencing relief and you have the more painful part to deal with. If he feels this way about 'all he has to put up with' then he's not the guy for you. The two of you aren't in a mutually beneficial relationship.
::The thing is that he got incredibly mad and stormed out of here quite violently.
This is ok with you? I mean it's someone you want to spend time with and expose your children to?
Journal writing is a great way to vent. You might want to consider short-term counseling to help you through the worse of this. Sorry you have to go through this...grieving takes time, espeically when you have to grieve for what might have been, for what could have been and for what you hoped would have been.
The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly one you can never have - Kierkegaard
Carrie
Kind of sounds like you are better off without him AND you have a lot going for yourself so why stay with this person if he doesn't care and feels that you two are not building anything together. I know it is very hard to accept (I have been there) but if he gets this upset over little things, you don't want your kids to be exposed to that over time. I am a single mom and the next guy I have a relationship with will have to accept my child and want to be a part of both our lives. It concerns me that you said he puts up with your kids and family, if the dude really loved you he would want to do a lot more with your kids and family then just put up with them.
My ex is a very cold, heartless person who didn't care either and it is too bad I gave my heart to him but I made a list of all the cold-hearted, inconsiderate, ruthless crap he did while we were together and it makes the healing process go by a lot quicker. With guys like this, you have to look at the bad because there isn't a lot of good to look at.