He doesnt want to talk to me ever again.
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| Sat, 04-28-2007 - 5:14am |
My boyfriend & I were "on a break". We both agreed we weren't going to see other people. We were supposed to "start fresh" next week.
But, I screwed up. I was drinking & met a friend of a friend. He was cute & seemed interested. At the end of the evening I tried calling my boyfriend. He hit ignore on his phone. I then texted my girlfriend & said "Hey. Can you give D my number if he's interested? S is being an -ss". Trouble is, I accidentally sent that to the boyfriend.
He has now broke up with me & is not taking my calls. He calls this "intent to cheat". I tried explaining it. Had we NOT been on a break this wouldn't be an issue. I have not, nor would I EVER cheat. I just slipped up. Any ideas on how to make this better? BF is overly sensitive about this. He even told me last night "Why wouldn't you cheat? Every other girl I've ever dated has cheated". So, he's automatically lumping me in with those girls...
He has now said he never wants to speak to me again. Do you really think he means this? Or do I just give him space?

graciecat78...
PG thinks your man is SERIOUS!
Simply because you broke your half of the bargain by seeing someone else!
Most of us who have LOST THEIR TRUST IN SOMEONE have no desire to "kiss and make up?" Simply because there's always the possibility that the same partner will cheat a 2nd or 3rd time?
Pianoguy
Just imagine all you could have kept a secret from your boyfriend had he not gotten your text! You could have just started over "fresh" next week, with him being no wiser to you looking to meet up with other guys after you had both agreed to not see other people!
Your boyfriend isn't being "overly sensitive" - he's being smart and protecting his own best interests. And he's not automatically "lumping" you with anyone in his past: you've given him good reason to question your honesty.
He pressed "ignore", you started looking elsewhere, and you got caught.
If he said he didn't want to talk to you again, believe him.
mblade2006
"Just because everything is different
Intent to cheat or cheating is same. I would say he has lost the trust on you atleast for now. Give him some space and move on for a while, if he is still interested in you, he would get back to you otherwise you also move on and get the number of that cute looking guy.
Hope this helps.
To further explain:
We’ve only been dating about 3 months. The reason for our break was because of our fighting. We kept fighting because I found out he was still married while he was dating me. He acted like he was divorced. He played ignorant & “didn’t realize” the divorce wasn’t final yet. Supposedly, there was a problem with the payment to his lawyer. Once he paid off the lawyer his divorce was final a few days later. After this drama was the dating sites. He was a member of about 5 different dating services. (He paid for 3 of them). He kept them all active while dating me. (Eventhough, we were exclusive). He supposedly never visited them while he was with me. I asked them to delete them & he said “I have no idea where this relationship is going. I paid for a full year. I do not want to lose out on that money in case this relationship doesn’t work out”. I managed to give him the benefit of the doubt. I cared about him & wanted this to work.
We decided we cared enough about each other & had enough in common to want to try this. We realized we kind of hopped right into the relationship & we didn’t really become friends first. Thus, we came up with the break idea. I usually do not agree with the break attempt either. But, in our instance this seemed valid & necessary.
I do not agree with most of these responses because I know myself. I know I am not a cheater. I know that even if “D” called me I would not have seen him that night. I believe the only reason I wanted the number was “just in case”. It sounds awful. But, afterall, I am the one that came up with the break idea. My BF just went along with it. In the back of my mind I was always doubting if he was really in this at all.
Given the fact that he was STILL married, had active dating profiles up, etc is why I am having the worst time with him seeing MY side of things. He seems a bit hypocritic.
I say all of this, yet I still want the guy...Sigh...
hmm..i read what you are saying and it seems that you were just trying to boost your ego by asking for that guy's number. Just trying to visualize your overall situation , I think the guy doesn't seem to be trustworth at all, just imagine if a guy could cheat on his wife by going around with you, being a member of dating sites, there may be possiblities that he might be dating others well.
Based on my personal experience, I was with a girl for an year and until last 1 month or so, she started getting mad at me over the phone for no good reasons( hinting me to break up)-, we had a fight but the girl never called me up for 5 days until I called her up and her attitude towards me was fu**** creepy. I knew from that moment if she is going around with someone, but never asked her until she herself came down and told me that its all over between us.
So in your situation if the guy is not willing to talk to you, It means he is just finding excuses to break up and now he got one, he will hold on to it. He himself is cheater, so I would say you dump him before he dumps you.
My personal experience.
"I do not agree with most of these responses because I know myself."
Responses to your post were based on the information you initially provided.
I still stand by what I first wrote. You indicated you and your boyfriend were on a break, had agreed not to see other people, and were going to start "fresh" next week. And, you sent a text, looking to have your number passed on to another guy, "just in case".
If having a "just in case" option leads your boyfriend to say he doesn't want to speak to you again, you have to accept that just as he has given you plenty of reasons to question his honesty, for which you could have chosen to either stay with him or leave him, your text - whether you wanted to meet with the other guy or not - has given him reason to question yours as well.
mblade2006
"Just because everything is different
If it's only been a few months, then I would cut my losses. It shouldn't be that much work so early in a relationship. Also, it sounds like he's been a bit dishonest and not really invested in this relationship. If he's just getting out of a marriage, I would question any guy's ability to move on right away. I would want a guy to be divorced for a while before I dated him. I won't set myself up to be a rebound, and if that means losing out on a freshly divorced guy, so be it. You seemed to be ready to move on when you texted for that other guy.
Hear, hear, mblade! Ditto everything in your post!
To the OP, trying to explain away your motives, i.e., he wasn't trustworthy, the profile up, etc, really doesn't make what you did alright, justified or any better. If I was dating someone (and on break is still technically dating someone) and that text came across, I'd never speak to him again either, and that IS the question you wanted an answer to.
My suggestion along with the others, is leave this be and move on. To add to that, I'd say, don't get serious about someone again until you can learn to deal in an authentic and honest fashion, both with the other person and with yourself.
Best,
Hi graciecat78 and welcome to the board,
I think you really need to step back and look at a few things....
1) he lied about being married
2) he ignores you and immediately you want the other guy's number
3) all the fighting
4) he doesn't trust you
5) you don't trust him
6) online profiles
All this drama in only 3 months?