He emailed and called.....?!?!?!?!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
He emailed and called.....?!?!?!?!?!
11
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 10:00am

Hi all -

This is so annoying, I don't know what to do.

Quick background - Bf of 2 years made out with a girl while we were going out and had to break up with me because he needed to figure out why he did it and make sure he would never do something like that again. It's been 5 months since we broke up. We talked a little bit in the beginning, and he said he was so afraid of losing me but needs to take this time apart to be healthy. I told him not to call me unless he wanted to work on things and get back together. He has respected my wishes.

On the day that I was leaving for my 2 week trip abroad (in mid December) I got an email from him. It was long. Which is totally unlike him to write a long email.
He started off saying, "I'm not sure you want to get an email from me, and I totally understand if you delete this after reading the subject line." and proceeds to say that he's been going over this email for over a day now trying to figure out what to say. So he wishes me a safe trip, hope I have a lot of fun, and then wishes me a happy birthday because I'd be celebrating it while I was away. The email, while being meaningful and a gesture of reaching out, was not enough. And he knew and I knew.

So I didn't email him back because I really didn't know how to respond to it.

Then after my vacation, just this morning, I saw a missed call from him from last night at 10pm. I passed out EARLY (still not over the jet lag) so I didn't even hear the phone ring. He didn't leave a message! And I'm thinking, he KNOWS not to call me unless he truly wants to get together. So why did he call and not leave a message???

Maybe he called by mistake and he was trying to call someone else.
Maybe he had a moment of weakness and called.
Maybe he was going to bed and called and decided not to leave a message cause he didn't want me calling back while he was sleeping.
Maybe he didn't leave a message cause he felt rejected that, 1- I didn't respond to his email, and 2 - I didn't pick up the phone when he called.

WHAT SHOULD I DO. My first thought is that I shouldn't do anything. He didn't leave a message so obviously he doesn't want to get back together. (is that true?) Therefore I shouldn't text him or email him asking him why he called.

Or maybe he felt rejected twice and I should show him that I didn't ignore his phone call on purpose, that I slept. And maybe he won't feel so rejected and will call me back.

So should I text him saying, "Not sure why you called, but I was sleeping"? Or email him saying thanks for the email, I got your missed call and I was asleep"?

If he truly wanted to get back together, he would have left a message or called again, RIGHT? But can a guy honestly feel so rejected that he would be afraid to call me and ask to work on things?

And what if he didn't call because he wanted to work on things? And I set myself up by emailing him and getting nothing in return.

ARGH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2007
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 1:49am

Hey Boston!

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