he emailed me after a month..???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
he emailed me after a month..???
3
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 1:57pm

My ex broke up with me a little over a month ago. I am 34, he is 38. We had dated for nine months.

When he broke up with me, he gave reasons of him feeling like he was hurting me, and didn't want to hurt me any more (we had an argument over something that he had done that was somewhat inconsiderate that had really hurt my feelings), he just didn't think that he was 'meant to be married', among a few other somewhat flimsy reasons. (I had never even mentioned marriage, neither had he, so I'm not quite sure where that reason even came from.) We have not had any contact since the breakup.

He emailed me the other day. Said that he doesn't know what the right thing to do is. That he has refrained from contacting me because he wanted to give me 'time and space', and because he didn't want to bring up old wounds or cause me any more pain by contacting me. But that he wanted me to know that he cares about me. And he wanted to be sure that I didn't take his lack of contact with me as him not caring.

And THEN - he said that I am more than welcome to come over and see him whenever I want. Or that I could call him whenever I want. Or, I didn't have to contact him if I didn't want. Whatever was best for me.

WHAT??? I have to admit, part of me feels...I guess a little good that he contacted me. But part of me feels unexplained anger! I was doing okay!! And now I am left sitting here wondering what he meant, trying to decipher what he meant, why he would write that. First - he broke up with me! So why is he trying to give me 'time and space'? A break up means you don't see each other any more. Is he just feeling guilty for leaving me? Is he feeling lonely? Is he trying to put the ball back in my court so that he isn't shouldering all of the blame for us not being together any more - so it makes it somewhat easier for him to handle?

I would appreciate any thoughts. thank you!!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 2:17pm

Sounds like he's trying to feel you out to see if you'd be ok with a casual/FWB type thing.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 7:54pm

I agree. Sounds like a cyber booty call. If you don't want to open that door, leave it shut.

Pesky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 9:14pm
Sounds to me like he was projecting his needs on to you. HE need time and space but was too cowardly to tell you, so he want to seem like the big man and give you something that you didn't need so he could get what he wanted. Is this a pattern with him? For example did he have a difficult time saying which movie or restarant he want to go to and when you went with your choice he was disappointed? If so, then having relationship with him that is fulfilling to you might take a degree in reverse psychology.