He Ended our Relationship Through Email

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
He Ended our Relationship Through Email
27
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 9:38am
My story is in my first post...."Death od Ex Girlfriend." He sent me an email last night ending our relationship. He said that there was something that just wasn't right between us. This is news to me! He also said, "sorry about the love stuff, if my feelings were genuine I never would have treated you this way." This is a man who pursued me ARDENTLY professing his life long love to me and plans for the future...then once he got me and I gave my heart to him (I gave up everything to be with him...he lived in England and me in the States)...he ran the other way. He tells me that it wasn't just the death of the girlfriend...that he felt smothered and he wanted to be single. I feel like it was all a lie. I feel so totally rejected. I can't even pick myself up off the ground. My heart is shattered in a million pieces! How can someone pour on the love then do a 360 like that and turn the other way! He had sabotaged our relationship before I even got there! He says he wants excitement etc. No one could meet his expectations...they are completely unrealistic! I think he is a commitment phobic. It was just hard for me tell because the death overshadowed everything. I guess I should have seen the writing on the wall...he was in two long relationships but he cheated on both of them. When I look back I can see ways that he sabotaged our relationship. He lied about things, hid things, almost made it so I would find out!!!! Dear God! I don't think anything has ever caused me so much pain. I may need professional help to make it through this. Please...I need help/advice. I am in SO MUCH PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! Definitely hit rock bottom! HELP PLEASE!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 2:03pm
Good luck with your talk!!!!! I know how sad you must be!!! :-( It's so hard! It's hard to heal while they are still around too! He has been really unfair to you...I hope you can see that and that you can finally get angry! I hope you can find the strength to take the power back! Don't beg him to stay!!! I would give him an ultimatum at this point...either he stays and works on your relationship or goes for good! I know that stinks...but it is awful to wait around for someone to make up their mind! I did that and I am so glad I'm out of that sickness! So, hugs to you! Stay strong...I'm here if you need to talk! Let me know how it goes!!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 5:11pm

Thanks, litgirl (LOVE lit, by the way)...

That is a good idea stay and work on it or go for good. I do need a lot of strength to say that esp. since he is the one that decided to leave to "be single" (i.e. with *her*).

I am here if you need to talk as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 6:19pm

Litgirl01,


Many *HUGS*...I know exactly how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 7:02pm
I read your post and I hear ya! I noticed that in my life I hang on to relationships that aren't good for me for way too long. I put up with bad behavior because I find it hard to leave when I am in love with someone. I mean...I thought about breaking up with him a couple of times when I caught him in lies. I think we can trust again...it's just that we can't ignore red flags and signs that someone is not healthy! People tell you who they are right away! We have to believe that we can find someone who is right for us...we have to believe that we are worthy! We are!!! Email if you need to talk!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 7:44pm

Lol, we sound a lot alike!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 9:17pm

Yes!!! We are alike! This was my frist relationship where the guy was really cold at the end too! It's like life was trying to show me the worse case scenario! lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 9:43pm

Looking back I DID see signs...from the first time we met.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 11:48pm

You guys my boyfriend did the same thing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 8:55am

Per your question about no contact, I was lucky enough to have read suggestions that you go no contact as soon as you are able just days after our breakup, so I was able to begin no contact right after the final "breakup talk" and haven't broken it since. My only slip ups have been through voyeuristically checking out his online social networking sites, but I haven't phoned or e-mailed my ex.

In retrospect, especially considering how painful the first couple of weeks were, I'm glad I went this route. Although I have nothing to compare it to, I think if I were to still remain in contact with him this would have been a hell of a lot harder.



Wess' Website

uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 1:24pm

The behavior is truly baffling! I have no idea what clicked in him...the email he sent me said things that I had never heard before. It was mean too! I haven't heard from him since. Of course I have him blocked on both of my email addresses and he won't call here because he is afraid of my parents! LOL I have to stay with my parents right now..thanks to him! I don't even know what to tell ya...I don't get it! The only thing we can do is stay away from the nut cases and find someone who will love us back! xx