He had sex after 2 days!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
He had sex after 2 days!
14
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 2:28am
Oh god, I dont know what to do. Please help me. My boyfriend and I broke up 5 hours into the new year. He had met another girl that night, who he had previously known before we started dating. We were going out for nearly a year. Nothing like this has ever happend. Anyways, we broke up and then less than 12 hours later he was dating the other girl, who ironicly has my name!! I thought he was moving a little quickly, getting a new girlfriend so soon afterwards. But I was wrong. 2 days later he told me they had had sex. I was like WHAT?!?! He`d been dating her 2 days! And had only remet her the night before they started going out. I dont know what to do. I feel horrible, but I want to be happy for him. And I cant say anything about it because whenever I do him or one of his friends says I should be over it already, he is. And that I should already have stopped thinking about him and talking about him and whatever. Im like what the hell, its been like 3 days..So I dont know what to do. I dont know if I should just drop it, and be happy about it for him. Or whether im intitled to grieve and speak my mind about how I feel about it...Someone please help me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 2:42am

Honey, you're entitled to rant and rave, grieve and yell after the break up. Especially after dating for a year. You need time to assimilate the news. You don't have to be happy for him or hear him talk about his sex life. You're entitled to feel anger, hurt, sadness or bitterness. People who say "get over it in 2 days or a week" don't know what they're talking about. It takes time to get over the loved one.

I'd break all contact with him and his friends. You need time for yourself. The guy was dating and even slept with someone while still dating you. He has no respect for you or the year relationship that you both had.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 2:46am
You are probably right. But just today him and I were talking. He said that I will never understand how much he loved me, and how much he hated that it had to end. But he just didnt love me anymore. He had slowly stoped loving me. I had pushed him into another girls arms. And he blames me for it. He continually tells me that it is my fault. And that he is mad at me for what we have become. That he is mad at me, for making him not love me. How could I of been so blind? When I still love him with every ounce of my being that I did from the day he said he loved me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:03am

Dear gilr, this guilt trip he's giving you is a way to convince himself, and you, that he wasn't a cheater. You, or any other person for that matter, can't make him do anything. Did you put him in bed and in her arms and made them have sex? I guess not, so don't allow his lame and rude comments convince you otherwise. Nobody pushed him into other girl's arms. He did it himself. He hugged her and kissed her and asked her to date him and he asked her to have sex. He did it all.

He doesn't want to take responsability for his own actions because that would make him a cheater. He's mad at you because it's easier to blame others for mistakes or bad actions that he did. It's his fault and noone else's. He's really pathetic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:06am
Id love to believe that. And I guess I kinda do..But after so long is so hard to think that he would be that dispicable. That minipulative. We were so happy. And even when we werent we worked through it together. And then one afternoon he said he loved me, and we had just talked about what we were doing that week...and then he can home and online not even 12 hours later, and said there was someone else. Said he didnt love me, that he didnt want me...Noones mind can change that fast. But I cant think to believe that hed of been lying to me. He never did before, was never like that...But one girl, one night, changed it all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:14am

<<>>

People are what they are and people do what they do because they want to do. I'm sorry this happened to you and in such painful way. Accepting the truth is very hard and I understand why you can't believe it. You thought highly of him and respected him, unfortunatelly your hero has feet of mudd.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:21am
I guess your right. Maybe im just defending him, out of love for what once was. Its just horrible to think that in one night, everything changed. But not for him. She has my name, she had sex with him, her bestfriends name is Katie(aswell as my bestfriends name is katie). Nothing changed for him expect the girl that lied next to him at night. And whenever I say anything about it. He yells telling me not to put him through it again. Because it is MY fault for him not loving me. It is MY fault and he blames me for making him not love me. Why should I want to hang on to that. You are right...My heros feet are made of mud. Not only that. They are made out of the worst kind of mud. The mud at the bottom of the sea, where all the diseases and worms and bugs feed. But hes still not good enough for that. Thank you kind stranger. You have helped me tonight the way noone else who has known me could. You should of been around for all my heart breaking moments, all my childish fears of love. Thank you for taking your time to listen to my problem, and solve mine when you must have many of your own to solve yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:35am
Your welcome. I hope you can overcome this heartbreak and you will. Don't believe his words, they're only trying to justify what he did, he did you wrong. Break all contact with him and don't allow him to yell at you. His actions speak louder than words. Hold your head up high and believe that you're a good person who deserve respect and to be loved and cared for. This man doesn't deserve you and he doesn't deserve one more tear from your eyes or an additonal thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 9:34am

I am so sorry that you are going through this, but I want you to remember that no matter what this guy says, this is not your fault. I repeat NOT YOUR FAULT! His trying to assert that somehow his actions are your fault just goes to show he is immature and childish and looking for a way to make himself feel better about all of this. Do not buy into this thinking. Lightandbright had a great suggestion in cutting all ties with him and his friends. This is a time to take care of yourself and surround yourself with your friends who love and support you and will not tell you to "get over it". You also need to stop calling, emailing and texting and do not take any of these things from him. Get rid of his numbers and addresses. Delete, delete, delete! I know you want to take the high road and be happy for him, but right now you need to be mad! Let yourself feel the anger and the hurt because the only way out of the pain is through it. Write him letters telling him what jerk he is and then burn them. Do whatever you need to do to get those feelings out. Once you have done that, then maybe you can begin to forgive him and be happy for him, but let yourself feel those feelings of loss first. You deserve it because you have had a huge loss and all of the sudden he turned out not to be the person you thought he was.

Hugs,
YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 11:24am
Everyone is so helpful. And its so hard to think that after such a long time of him being my lover and my bestfriend that I should just stop. Just move on and practicly forget him. I asked him what he wanted me to do once, He said move on, dont forget. But right now I think its easier to just forget then to move on, after such a long time. There are so many feelings that I am feeling. Heartbreak and sadness are one of them. But to be truely mad and have bad feelings towards my bestfriend is a hard thing to think about. Everyone says to just cut ties. That would be easy if he wasnt my bestfriend. Yes people say that to just stop for now is a great way to heal from the hurt and from the pain and get over him. But to cut ties and end it all now, would end our bestfriendship too. I am prepared to let him go, to let him love again. But his friendship is one thing that will always mean alot to both of us...so how can I just give that up too?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:17pm

::I had pushed him into another girls arms. And he blames me for it. He continually tells me that it is my fault.

How immature of him to not take ownership of his own feelings and shift responsiblity onto you. He's full of it and himself.

I know he's your best friend, but every time you see him aren't you reminded of how quickly he moved on, how he jumped into someone else's bed, etc, I mean, truly don't you feel betrayed on some level and why would you want to be friends with someone that did that to you?

As for the friends telling you that you should be over it because he is, well that's a crock too. Every person grieves differently. And my guess is that he's really not over you and she's just a 'rebound' relationship, though he would deny it.

Please take care of yourself. Do what is right for you. Give yourself time to heal. He gave up the right to be your best friend and to share the intimate details of his new relationship with you. You will have to be the one to set boundaries and enforce them. Be strong, you can do this.


Carrie

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