He had sex after 2 days!
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He had sex after 2 days!
| Fri, 01-05-2007 - 2:28am |
Oh god, I dont know what to do. Please help me. My boyfriend and I broke up 5 hours into the new year. He had met another girl that night, who he had previously known before we started dating. We were going out for nearly a year. Nothing like this has ever happend. Anyways, we broke up and then less than 12 hours later he was dating the other girl, who ironicly has my name!! I thought he was moving a little quickly, getting a new girlfriend so soon afterwards. But I was wrong. 2 days later he told me they had had sex. I was like WHAT?!?! He`d been dating her 2 days! And had only remet her the night before they started going out. I dont know what to do. I feel horrible, but I want to be happy for him. And I cant say anything about it because whenever I do him or one of his friends says I should be over it already, he is. And that I should already have stopped thinking about him and talking about him and whatever. Im like what the hell, its been like 3 days..So I dont know what to do. I dont know if I should just drop it, and be happy about it for him. Or whether im intitled to grieve and speak my mind about how I feel about it...Someone please help me.

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Honey, you're entitled to rant and rave, grieve and yell after the break up. Especially after dating for a year. You need time to assimilate the news. You don't have to be happy for him or hear him talk about his sex life. You're entitled to feel anger, hurt, sadness or bitterness. People who say "get over it in 2 days or a week" don't know what they're talking about. It takes time to get over the loved one.
I'd break all contact with him and his friends. You need time for yourself. The guy was dating and even slept with someone while still dating you. He has no respect for you or the year relationship that you both had.
Dear gilr, this guilt trip he's giving you is a way to convince himself, and you, that he wasn't a cheater. You, or any other person for that matter, can't make him do anything. Did you put him in bed and in her arms and made them have sex? I guess not, so don't allow his lame and rude comments convince you otherwise. Nobody pushed him into other girl's arms. He did it himself. He hugged her and kissed her and asked her to date him and he asked her to have sex. He did it all.
He doesn't want to take responsability for his own actions because that would make him a cheater. He's mad at you because it's easier to blame others for mistakes or bad actions that he did. It's his fault and noone else's. He's really pathetic.
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People are what they are and people do what they do because they want to do. I'm sorry this happened to you and in such painful way. Accepting the truth is very hard and I understand why you can't believe it. You thought highly of him and respected him, unfortunatelly your hero has feet of mudd.
I am so sorry that you are going through this, but I want you to remember that no matter what this guy says, this is not your fault. I repeat NOT YOUR FAULT! His trying to assert that somehow his actions are your fault just goes to show he is immature and childish and looking for a way to make himself feel better about all of this. Do not buy into this thinking. Lightandbright had a great suggestion in cutting all ties with him and his friends. This is a time to take care of yourself and surround yourself with your friends who love and support you and will not tell you to "get over it". You also need to stop calling, emailing and texting and do not take any of these things from him. Get rid of his numbers and addresses. Delete, delete, delete! I know you want to take the high road and be happy for him, but right now you need to be mad! Let yourself feel the anger and the hurt because the only way out of the pain is through it. Write him letters telling him what jerk he is and then burn them. Do whatever you need to do to get those feelings out. Once you have done that, then maybe you can begin to forgive him and be happy for him, but let yourself feel those feelings of loss first. You deserve it because you have had a huge loss and all of the sudden he turned out not to be the person you thought he was.
Hugs,
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
::I had pushed him into another girls arms. And he blames me for it. He continually tells me that it is my fault.
How immature of him to not take ownership of his own feelings and shift responsiblity onto you. He's full of it and himself.
I know he's your best friend, but every time you see him aren't you reminded of how quickly he moved on, how he jumped into someone else's bed, etc, I mean, truly don't you feel betrayed on some level and why would you want to be friends with someone that did that to you?
As for the friends telling you that you should be over it because he is, well that's a crock too. Every person grieves differently. And my guess is that he's really not over you and she's just a 'rebound' relationship, though he would deny it.
Please take care of yourself. Do what is right for you. Give yourself time to heal. He gave up the right to be your best friend and to share the intimate details of his new relationship with you. You will have to be the one to set boundaries and enforce them. Be strong, you can do this.
Carrie
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