He had sex after 2 days!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
He had sex after 2 days!
14
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 2:28am
Oh god, I dont know what to do. Please help me. My boyfriend and I broke up 5 hours into the new year. He had met another girl that night, who he had previously known before we started dating. We were going out for nearly a year. Nothing like this has ever happend. Anyways, we broke up and then less than 12 hours later he was dating the other girl, who ironicly has my name!! I thought he was moving a little quickly, getting a new girlfriend so soon afterwards. But I was wrong. 2 days later he told me they had had sex. I was like WHAT?!?! He`d been dating her 2 days! And had only remet her the night before they started going out. I dont know what to do. I feel horrible, but I want to be happy for him. And I cant say anything about it because whenever I do him or one of his friends says I should be over it already, he is. And that I should already have stopped thinking about him and talking about him and whatever. Im like what the hell, its been like 3 days..So I dont know what to do. I dont know if I should just drop it, and be happy about it for him. Or whether im intitled to grieve and speak my mind about how I feel about it...Someone please help me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:40pm

angel4259,

I do not want this to sound harsh, but please give some thought to what I am about to say. You are in NO WAY obligated to feel happiness for this loser just because he is sleeping with another girl - and trust me it's all physical at this point. You are in NO WAY required to still be his friend. Look around at your friends. Have any of them treated you with such little regard? I would guess not or otherwise you wouldn't consider them friends. He may not know it or he may realize it, but either way he is manipulating you to feel bad because he feels so bad about himself. He has to lash out and push that unhappiness on to someone else. Please trust me when I say I have been there. I dated my ex for 3 1/2 years and lived with him for 2. Two weeks after we broke up (because he would not seek help for depression), while still living with me, he was already calling a girl much younger than him that he had met a few nights before while out with his friends. A week after that he moved out and they were dating and sleeping together. Unfortunately, we had "house issues" to deal with, and each time we talked he either tried to gloat over how happy he was or he would scream at me on the phone blaming me for everything from his flunking out of college (AGAIN) at 28-years-old, or for the fact that he was defaulting on personal loans. I couldn't fathom that this was the same person who I had slept next to all those years and shared holidays, experiences, and future dreams with.

You are right to feel sad. You are right to feel furious. What this person did is ridiculous, but....IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON. It's all about him and his immaturity in how he is dealing with a breakup. My guess is that he's very inexperienced in relationships and feelings in general. He may have been unhappy in your relationship but did not know how to fix it or communicate with you about them (obviously he's not good with emotions), so ended it. Then, felt the pain of losing someone he loved. He's desperately trying to forget about the entire thing. Please, for your own sake cut all ties with this man and focus on what will make you happy. Focus on all of his flaws and how they would have never fit with how awesome you are. Please keep us updated on your progress. NC means no contact so be sure to read how the great people on this board are marking their "No Contact" milestones with tiny and big celebrations. It really helps you handle those initial feelings of loss much better. You can do it too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:59pm

I can only speak for myself, but no best friend I have ever had would have treated me the way this guy treated you. And a friend most definitely would not tell me all of the details of his new love and blame me for our break up. That is not how friends treat friends. I know that you must have shared quite a history with this man, but you may have to re-evaluate who your friends really are and how those friends treat you and behave around you. This guy is not truly your friend, he may have once been, but he is no longer that person. Please take care of and stand up for yourself in this situation because if you are not taking care of you then no one else is either.

Hugs,
YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:05pm
Everyone sounds so right. And thinking that just "no contact" with him would be so much better. But Its hard to just push it all aside, and try and move on..I loved him for so long, and in truth I still do. No matter what he has done or is doing to me. It may be better to just let go, move on and cut ties. But I dont know, when he comes online I still get butterflies. I still smile just to talk to him, and feel relief after we share everything thats happening. And sometimes I wonder, no matter how much I love him, Im not sure whether its the fact that I want him, or the fact that I dont want anyone else to have him. And I think to myself. If I cant have him, at least we can be friends like we were before, we dont have to lose eachother completly. We can still share with eachother, although some of what hes sharing is a little to personal for me now. But I like hearing about his days, and his nights and how hes doing with his girlfriend. Maybe im wrong in thinking we can still be friends, in still talking and still sharing things. But I cant seem to stop. When we dont talk for days I still get upset I still feel like somethings wrong, when really he just has another life now. And some mornings I wake up and im happy, until I remember that its over, and that hes not mine. And that he spent the night in someone elses arms, continually having sex with them, the way we used to. How can you just cut ties with someone you love? With someone who has been such a big part of your life for so long? Someone who has been there through all the hard times, even this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 5:55pm
Don't blame yourself!!! He made that choice and it's not your fault that he didn't communicate with you. The first thing you need to do is make him responsible for his own actions. You should really cut off contact with him and focus on healing. You don't need to take the blame for his behavior. Don't give him the satisfaction of any contact with you. He has to live with the consequences of his actions.

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