He hurt me so bad!!!!!!
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| Thu, 10-13-2005 - 12:22pm |
I am so sad, angry, dissapointed but I am really angry and I feel as if I have hit my lowest point right now. I recently was in a relationship( apporxiamatley 3 days ago) with this young man who was just so sweet and kind and different from anyone I have ever met.I knew him for about a year before and we were together. I recently got out of a 6 year relationship and I even though we were friends we became more we started to have feelings and I tried everything to avoid him and it just would not work. This is the second person I have ever dated, we click right away I felt like he was so good for me and after 3 or 4 months I feel in love with him.
I have never reacted this way to a person before. I was so happy but I saw all the signs and I feel like I should have known better. I was introduced to his family all of them went to his church with him, spent time together but I gave him space as he did me. However when an female friend of his enter the picture I knew something was up, he would constantly say "guess who I saw today' or " you wouldnt believe who said hello".
I was like WTF is going on and I asked him over and over do you like her, what is up, this girl practically broke his heart a year ago by never calling him again for a whole year and then she shows up and when she ask to be his friend he took her right back into his life. Then next thing you know he starts saying I cant be with you anymore and I was the one always there , the one when he cried about her and I was there. Arrrrrrgh I am so mad, I do know what to do anymore I pray everynight to stop loving him but it is not so simple. I dont know what to do I miss him so much and we even talked about how much he did not deserve me but I still want his sorry butt, and I dont know why. I feel this girl doesnt deserve him but then he doesnt deserve me.
I am so hurt I dont know what else to do!!!

It may be helpful to focus on the qualities in him that are the reason you are no longer together. Sometimes you will find yourself focusing on his good qualities, all the reasons you fell for him. But you know you've got to switch gears.
Try to picture his face, try to hear him saying, "I want someone else. I want the girl who treated me like dirt. I don't want to see all that you have to offer. I just want her."
Not very attractive. I am glad you have been finding your anger. Can you channel your energy into making progress on some of the projects you been meaning to get to? Spend the minimum amount of time on your thoughts of him. Turn to something productive and happy.
Edited 10/13/2005 1:55 pm ET by rosemile
I am so sorry..you must feel like you were slapped in the face. But I must go back to The Four Agreements (book) ..Do Not Take Anything Personally. This is NOT about you. He made a choice that DOES greatly impact you but he is going back to a former love. If she hurt him well that is his problem if he goes back for more. You have no choice now but heal and grieve over this loss. And boy, do WE all here know that pain. What do you need now to get through today? Tomorrow? That is what you must focus on.
I know how you are feeling. The same thing happened to me. I didn't want to start anything with my ex for the fear of being hurt. Well it happened and 2 years later I find myself trying to heal and let go. My ex has a 5 year old son and at the beginning of our relationship he had no contact with the mother. She was in and out of jail for drugs and neglect of her child. Needless to say she cleaned up and started having contact with the child. She started to call more and more at odd hours of the day and night. I wondered what was going on and constantly asked my ex if there was something going on and he said he would never go back to her and all that BS. I didn't believe him, but continued in the relationship. Towards the end of the relationship he would be later and later getting home from dropping his son off at her house. He always had an excuse and of course I would play it off. Then it got to where she was coming over to visit the child at my ex's home. Of course, it was always when I had made other plans and he lied to me about what he was doing. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't be in a relationship always wondering if they were getting back together. I ended the relationship about a month ago. Anyways, they are back together. I am furious, hurt, mad, and every other emotion you could think of. I was the one who cared for and took care of that little boy while she was in jail and doing drugs. I don't understand it either. I also was the person that was there for him and his child through all of it. We had a wonderful relationship, but it seemed to fall apart when they started to become friends again. He told me it just wasn't there anymore. It was there when she wasn't around. In my case this woman would always be apart of his and my life. It was a decision that was already made for me. I didn't deserve that situation and he sure doesn't deserve me and your ex doesn't deserve you either.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it and feel the pain and hurt, but I do know I want to be with someone that loves me and only me. I deserve it and you deserve it also. Try to hang in there. I know it hurts believe me I know how bad it hurts. It has been a month today and I still am having a hard time letting all this go. It helps me to read and post comments on this site. I am also considering counseling. I don't know about you but my self esteem and self worth is as low as it possibly can be. I keep wondering why he chose her over me.
Hang in there. It has to get better!
Wow, this is a hard one. Well, look at it this way: you were a gift to a child whom you touched with love and care while their Mom was absent. You learned about that kind of unconditional love.
The bond of a Mom is hard and the man returned to that. Of course you feel used and betrayed. Intuitively you knew he would go to her...sometimes that kind of prophecy fullfills itself being so powerful.
I wish I knew how to make the pain go away for you. Let go of this man in your head and heart. Do a lot of mind and body work to free yourself. Let go of the anger as soon as you can before it drains you completely.
Please never go back to him..NC ok??