He keeps calling

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
He keeps calling
5
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 4:05pm

I have posted here before about breaking up with my x after he decided his feelings for me have changed.
He is going through a lot of financial and personal problems. He has to support a grandma, pay his student loans and he does not make enough money...
I was always by his side and told him I will never leave you unless your feelings for me have changed. Other than that I wont let us breakup. (i.e. not because of your financial problems) I m financially doing well so I could help solve all his problems if he accepted....
Anyhow so one day he says his feelings have changed and it is beyond his control blah blah ... and we broke up. But since we did I asked him not to call me. He tried for a week then he started to call me again everyday. And now he calls me 3 times a day to see how I m doing and to tell me that I m the person he cares for the most in his life and he wants to make sure I m working on my breathing problem and other health problems and work-related problems I used to have when we were together.
He still calls me "baby" and he keeps reminding me that I m his best friend!
I m lost here. I dont know if I should never pickup the phone when he calls me (although I get no caller ID since it is an overseas call) and never answer his 10 emails a day or I should be by his side because he is apparently in big trouble and he needs me by his side as a friend. Although I feel a lot of resentment for him for saying his feeling for me have changed and for dropping our relationship!

I have posted replies to your suggestions in this thread so please go through the posts before you reply

thnx :)




Edited 12/4/2004 11:23 am ET ET by juliara2003
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 8:03pm
You cannot control his actions -calls 3 times a day-, BUT you can take matters into your own hands and control what you can do: change your phone number and open a new e-mail address, without telling him that is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:14pm

I ve read a lot of people suggesting the phone number change. I think this is not a practical and realistic solution. I have a lot of job applications tied to this number also to my email address. My problem is really not whether to answer his calls or not it is more whether I stick to him knowing that he needs me desperately or I give in to my feelings of disgust and disrespect that I ve developed for him lately after he 's been so rude and insensitive with me. I feel really pitty for him. He is in the worst situation a young man can be yet he still had the guts to break up with me the only person who cared about him in this world.

thank you for listening

J.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:24pm

You don't have to change your number or email address; you can block someone from calling or emailing you.

Feeling pity for him is one thing (and it's totally understandable that you would), but trying to help or save him is not a healthy thing for you to be doing.

As I said before, he needs help but you should not be the one to give it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:43pm
I know you don't want to make things hard on him but if you feel resentment towards him, how can you be friends?? Maybe later down the line you can, but I don't see it happening now. I think you should be honest with him and tell him that you think he's contacting you to much and to either decrease the amount or stop all contact (depending on which you want) and if he continues after all this block his # and e-mail. But if you want to leave the possibility of being friends later open then tell him so but you need time without him in your life and when you're ready you'll contact him. Good luck and keep us posted!!











Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:49pm

exactly what I tell myself!

I pitty him but I m not that good to help the person who hurt me most. Still sometimes I almost cry for the misery he chose to put himself in.
I asked him once to go see a doctor and get professional help for his depression. He never listened to me. He accused me of being inconsiderate and hating him.
He does need professional help. He used to say things at night that scared me and made me conscerned about his mental health.
He is a very smart, very athletic and good looking guy. He has a PhD and everybody likes to be friends with him but he keeps pushing people away. So he used to wake me up at night shouting weird things like leave me alone, I want to be on my own and then other noises that I could not understand.
I still have contact with his sister and I m thinking i should tell her about what I suspect and maybe she can help him. This way I wont feel guilty if he slips more and more into depression... but I dont/cant get involved in healing him kuz I know I would be waiting for the reward "HIM" that I might never get!
I m feeling better now. I dont cry anymore and dont feel the urge to ask him any questions. But I still feel like i received a hit on my head. The only time when I can feel not so sad is when I block him from my mind and stop thinking of him completely. I actually try to remember my life before I met him. The things I used to do and the feelings I used to have when I was single.

J.