he keeps emailing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
he keeps emailing...
7
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 3:50pm
He broke it off because he wasn't ready...but now he won't let go...he emails me about once a week just to check in and see what is going on- this has been going on for about 3 months now. I don't know if I should just not respond to him, but my fear is that if I don't respond he'll think I don't want to work things out, and I really would give it another change. The reason he broke it off was because he needed some space for himself..blah blah. ugh...anyone have experience in this? I guess if he really wanted me back nothing would stop him regardless if I respond to him or not.
confused.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 6:23pm

Have you sent him an email saying this:

It's really hard for me to hear from you. Please don't contact me unless you are 100% sure you are ready to work out our differences and try again. I'd be delighted to hear from you if that's the case, but otherwise, please respect my request. Thank you."

That way, you make it *absolutely clear* that you would be receptive to trying again, but still ask for the no contact you need in the meantime.

If he ignores your request and continues to contact you but doesn't want to get back together, then he's a selfish jerk.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 12:53pm

I think if you really want to move on, you are going to have to not respond to him and ask him not to contact you. Obviously we know thats not ultimately what you *want* but considering he's not giving you any more than courtesty weekly check-ups, thats not cutting it. He's keeping you on a little string and he knows how you feel. I'm sorry, I have to keep reminding myself as well, that he *knows* how much I care. Little im's and emails every once in awhile just become lousy crumbs for us to hold on to the tiniest hope. Argghh!

He's not dropping on one knee and asking you to be his girl, ignore his little chatty emails and move on. TRUST ME, if he doesn't want you to move along, he will stop you. He will move mountains, so they say, and we deserve nothing less.

best wishes to you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 2:12pm

<<>>

EXACTLY.

heres the thing - hes feeding you enough to refrain you from moving on with your life, but definately not giving you enough to sustain any true happiness.

id recommend what northwestwanderer suggested...explain how you feel about him, but that if he is not 100% ready to be with you - then you need NC.

so, if he DOES come back to you - then at leat he's ready to give you something real rather than just a few lousy messages every 7 days... and if he doesnt come back to you, then youve just saved yourself grieving time and can finally move on with your life... if you think of it this way, its a "win win" situation.

and i hate to say it, but im guilty as charged... i too have thrown "lousy crumbs" at men to keep them interested in me for my own selfish reasons... and honestly, not only is it a bit*h of me to do that - but it means nothing...so what if i call them here and there, so what if i send them a message once in awhile, so what if i flirt back on the occasion - ...these guys mean nothing to me...with my ex, i gave him EVERYTHING...my ALL...never any crumbs... i knew how these guys were interested in me - and i unfortunately know how to throw back JUST enough to keep them that way.. but never enough of what they actually deserve and never enough to really amount to anything...

goodluck to you,
eeksj

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 10:30pm
If I were you, I'd tell him how I feel and tell him that unless he wants to work things out, then you'd appreciate him NOT contacting you anymore.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:17am

Ok...so I think you all are right. I need to be strong about this and tell him there can't be anymore contact unless he wants more than friendship. The little catch with this is that I have been playing everything off like I can be friends. I'm happy in my emails, he picked me up last friday and brought me to the airport- etc...so this is going to come out of left field for him. Now should I tell him this via email, phone or in person? I was thinking in person would be most appropriate to explain how I feel. But do I wait until he tries to contact me again ? (we did talk yesterday via email) or do I wait until he contacts me either today or later this week or next week or whenever? That way I can say, I'm sorry, I really do want to be friends, but unfortunately it gives me false hope that things are going to go back to the way they were, and it seems like this friendship at this point in time is hurting me more than it is helping me. let me know what you guys think.

thanks

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 12:09pm

Email, for sure. It's too weird to get together for the purpose of TELLING him you can't be friends. Send him an email along the lines of what I suggested in post #2.

And send it now, don't wait for him to contact you again.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 8:00pm
I totally agree with the posting that talks about infrequent emails and calls just to keep a woman hanging on. I swear I spent two years a long time ago on someone's string and I wasted a couple of my best college years on that. naive. Since then, I allowed that one more time but for not as long and then decided it was playing such a head game with me that I had to cut it off. He hasn't "moved mountains" so to speak to come to me again, and so that pretty much says it all. It really did feel like crumbs just to keep me there while I'm sure he looked around just to make sure he wasn't "passing on something maybe a little better." No thanks. I've decided I'm not that desperate for a man's love anymore. I spent 10 years like that and it's an awful place to be. I still take risks as far as love goes, but will never allow that whole half ass stuff that immature men tend to use on less confident women. Don't be a less confident woman- it's very unattractive for yourself (you have to look at you in the mirror every day) and it's unattractive to the true quality people out there.