He left me!
Find a Conversation
He left me!
| Fri, 09-30-2005 - 3:51pm |
He told me 2 weeks ago today that he was leaving me - it was the day before my birthday. The day after my birthday he moved out. I can't eat or sleep. He is the love of my life and he just walked away from me as if after 3 years this meant nothing and he took himself and his two kids away - he took my family away. Now my house is empty, no more toys on the floor, no more dishes left on the counter, no more mess - I use to complain about the mess, now I want it back. My house is so cold and empty. This morning I couldn't bear the pain any longer and sent him a text message. He called me and we talked and I told him that I wanted to work this out; that I wanted my family back. He said that right now he can't see a future but that he still cares and loves me and that if we wanted to go to a movie that would be OK. I told him that I loved him as we hung up and he said it back in a hurried manner. I am an emotional wreck, I can't work, eat, sleep, I feel like I am barely functioning. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get him back but I also know he does not want me. I don't know how to move past this horrible desperate feeling. How could he turn off his feelings so easily and quickly? He said he needed time to figure out his life but he told me he has not done any thinking and that he is just trying to stay busy. If he wants to figure it out, he needs to think about it - right? He can't do that if he is distracting himself all the time. Is it just a line?

This is a hard time. How long was he in your life? Did the kids get to have closure? How old are they?
This will take time. In the meantime you have to get a grip and get to work. Surround yourself with people. For me, if I am busy it helps A LOT. Spend time with the girls, take of some exercise or get right into it..and come here for support.
Unfortunately there is no cure for that horrible feeling except for a combination of time, no contact, and acceptance that it's over.
He's had plenty of time to think about ending this, to process it, etc...you have not. It took you by surprise, whereas he grappled with the decision to end it so he is in a different place than you are. It doesn't mean he's "turned off his feelings quickly and easily", it means he made a decision and is implementing it. You weren't part of that decision process and that's painful!
Even though it's a very difficult, painful thing to accept, you need to focus on it being over. You have no control over whether he will want to come back or not...all you can control are your own actions and feelings. And since continuing to have hope will make it impossible for you to move on, giving up hope and reaching acceptance is part of the grieving and recovery process.
Sheri
Thank you for your message.